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Wednesday, December 8, 2021

Poll: Majority Support Spending $6 Billion to Yeet Elon Musk to Pluto

Billionaire Elon Musk — who reportedly is on track to become the world’s very first trillionaire — isn’t quite sure that a $6 billion donation would wipeout world hunger. In a sarcastic Twitter exchange, Musk offered to give that exact sum to the World Hunger Programme, but only if they could prove his funds would completely end world hunger.

Regardless of how that situation plays itself out, some interesting new polling has shown that, worldwide, a majority of human beings would gladly spend $6 billion to “yeet” Mr. Musk, who is currently funding a vanity space exploration company with help from taxpayer subsidies, to Pluto. The polling data doesn’t indicate one way or the other if people still consider Pluto a planet. However, it does indicate billions of people want Musk as far away from them as possible.

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The poll, conducted by We Poll You So Hard, shows that 54% of human beings surveyed would “willingly and happily contribute financially” to a special fund, set up to reach a goal of $6 billion. That money would then be used to build a catapult capable of hurtling Musk deep into the solar system, as close to Pluto as it could fire him. However, even if respondents didn’t want to give their own money to the cause, another 40% wanted to simply strap him to the next rocket SpaceX, his space flight company, sends to space, as long as it’s a one-way trip.

In response to the poll, Mr. Musk has said he’s looking into buying We Poll You So Hard just so he can delete the company’s database of polling data.

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

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James Schlarmannhttp://facebook.com/JamboSchlarmbo
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.
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