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Thursday, August 18, 2022

A Complete List Of Every President Sued By A Porn Star

This week, adult film star Stormy Daniels, whose real name is Stephanie Crawford, filed a lawsuit against President Donald Trump. In her suit, Ms. Crawford alleges that she had an “intimate” relationship with Trump before he was president, but while his current wife Melania was pregnant with their son Baron. When asked by NBC news this morning, Crawford’s attorney said point-blank that Trump had a sexual relationship with his client. Crawford’s suit argues that because Donald Trump didn’t sign the non disclosure agreement at the heart of the $130,000 payment to his client that was facilitated by Trump’s lawyer Michael Cohen, it is null and void.

At stake are a bunch of legal questions, the largest of which seems to be whether federal election law was subverted in order to pay Crawford the money she got for staying quiet about Trump’s affair.

While we wait for this matter to play out in the court system, Alternative Facts endeavored to keep one of its most solemn promises to our readership — to always provide historical context to every story. In light of that, we now present to you a definitive list, culled from over 240 years of American history, of every single president, both living and dead, that have been sued by a porn star.

Because of changing social mores and traditions of the time, we made sure to define “porn star” as someone who, in their time, got nakies for monies or did sex stuff for cash. All of our research was sent to the American Council for Satirical Data Gathering and Analysis, and was checked, crosschecked, and re-checked for accuracy. The following list is as comprehensive as the primary materials we could find would allow.

If you are aware of a president who should be added to this list, please contact the Editorial Board. Thank you!

A Complete List Of Every President Sued By A Porn Star

1. Donald Trump

You can read satire like this every day on The Political Garbage Chute and The Pastiche Post.

More Satire:

James Schlarmannhttp://facebook.com/JamboSchlarmbo
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.
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