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Thursday, September 21, 2023

Adult Film Actress Says Obama Secretly Helped Her Use Exchange To Get Health Insurance

THE VALLEY, CALIFORNIA — An adult film star has revealed that she and President Donald Trump had a sexual affair that lasted months, even after Second First Lady Melania Trump gave birth to their son Barron.

In an unforeseen twist, another adult film star has come out and revealed a relationship she says she had with former President Barack Hussein Obama (D-Kenya) had a secret relationship spanning the course of a couple of weeks, back in 2011. It was a relationship that she says garnered her something special, with the help of Obama. The actress says Obama was “very eager” to help her.

Carmine Electric, a film star whose credits include Balls to My Walls, Balls To My Walls 2, and Return of the Brown-Eye, said that starting in late 2011, she reached out to Obama and made initial contact with him. She said she was “desperate” and knew only Obama could “fill [her] needs.” To her surprise, Obama was more than willing to help her.

“I told him that it felt like I really needed him,” Electric told us. “Only he could fill my needs, too. I told him that. I said to him, no one else can do it like he can. And the crazy part? He agreed!”

Ms. Electric reportedly told Obama she was in need of health insurance and wasn’t sure who to call or how to sign up for it. Being an independent contractor, Carmine doesn’t get employer-sponsored health insurance. She had been told by some of her friends to look into Obamacare, but after asking her Republican uncle about it and being told he’d “gut” her “like a fish” if he found out she’d used “that commie Kenyan’s socialized medicine,” she was scared and decided to contact the Obama in Obamacare.

“He told me, ‘Carmine, I’m here to help. Let’s get you setup through the exchange in your state, and we’ll help you get some health insurance,'” Electric says Obama told her. “And he walked me through signing up for Covered California’s website, and he explained in pretty great detail the different plans and options within them. It was really kind of him.”

Carmine says she’ll always be very grateful to Obama for all his help in what she said was a very desperate time. She had just been told she had a venereal disease because of regular screenings her industry makes her get. It wasn’t life threatening, but it could have cost her far more than she could afford at the time to address. But thanks to Obamacare’s pre-existing conditions regulations, she didn’t even have to disclose her diagnosis and she was able to get a very affordable policy, an appointment with a gynecologist, and the medication she needed to cure her infection.

“You know at the end of it all, he helped me get insurance when I was the most desperate for it. Didn’t ask me who I voted for. Didn’t brag about his two Electoral College victories. He just helped me,” Carmine said.

Electric says she remembers the last words she spoke to Obama, just after she’d received her new health insurance cards in the mail.

“Thanks, Obama,” Carmine said. “No. Seriously. Thanks…Obama. All he asked in return is that I keep it quiet, so that other people didn’t call him for help. He’d do it, but he said he was also still president and had to help run the country and stuff. So I kept it secret until now, since he’s not president anymore.”

President Obama did not comment on this story.

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James Schlarmann
James Schlarmannhttp://facebook.com/JamboSchlarmbo
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.
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