LONDON, ENGLAND — Blue Lens Publishing has announced that they have struck a deal with former White House Communications Director Anthony Scaramucci. Mr. Scaramucci was President Donald Trump’s comms director for less than a month, but he made quite a few memorable headlines, including one about another former administration official’s attempts to give himself fellatio.
The publishing company issued a brief statement with their announcement, seen below.
From the glittering West End of London, because it’s harder for Scaramucci to sue, we have decided to help THE MOOCH out and act as a publisher to his White House Memoirs – Unfortunately much of what Mr Scaramucci wrote was irrelevant and in Russian, so after translating it to English and giving it a quick edit, it turns out that Not Much Happened.
Mr. Scaramucci himself also sent out a press release, announcing the publication of his memoir. His statement, reprinted in its entirety, is below.
Now all of you need to listen up because THE MOOCH has got something he wants to say to you all.
It’s been a touch year for Scaramucci, first I had the stress of starting a new job, then just ten days later, I had the stress of losing a job too, it’s hard stuff for THE MOOCH to go through. In between that I also found out my wife was filing for divorce, sold my soul away to Trump, and lost every last bit of dignity that I ever had — rough time.
But now I’m back and I’m more MOOCH than ever, until now no publisher wanted to print what I had to say, but I didn’t want the average c**k sucker on the street to
miss out, so here I am!
[Note: This publication is of a satirical nature and is not the work of the real Anthony Scaramucci, it is not an accurate record of the facts and resemblance to real events is purely coincidental.]