WASHINGTON, D.C. — On January 20th, 2021, at 12:00pm ET, President-elect Joe Biden will be sworn in as the 46th President of the United States. This fact might not sit well with the current occupant of the Oval Office, but as more and more of his legal challenges to the results fail in court, it’s becoming more apparent with each day that his time in the White House is running out.
Reportedly, President Donald Trump is so miffed about losing his re-election bid that he is deeply contemplating trying to rob Biden of at least some of the spotlight on Inauguration Day. While historically outgoing presidents have attended the ceremony to help usher in a peaceful transition power, sources close to the president say his rectal area is still in far too much pain for him to do something that remotely shows class or dignity. Instead, reports have been swirling that Trump plans to hold one of his MAGA rallies somewhere in Florida literally as Biden is taking over his job from him.
However, sources are now reporting that the initial reports weren’t quite right. Instead of holding a MAGA rally in America’s Floppy Dong, President Trump plans to hold his rally in Guyana. What’s more, Trump plans to personally fly as many of his supporters to Guyana with him, aboard Air Force One. Once in Guyana, he’ll set up Trump Town, where expatriated Americans who are upset with Biden’s election can join him, living in, as one administration source called it, a “bubble of delusion so thick nobody can penetrate it.”
“President Donald Trump plans to use last, waning moments in power to board Air Force One with as many of his followers as can fit, and then whisk everyone off to beautiful Guayana,” White House Press Secretary Barbie McDitzydick explained. “Guests who join the president will be treated to in-flight snacks and all the punch you can drink.”
Once they arrive, everyone will deplane from Air Force One and begin construction on a new Trump Hotel. The president plans to handle building the new hotel the same way he’s handled building all of his hotels. He won’t pay anyone for their work, and he plans to run it into the ground by 2024.
“Very honestly, President Trump isn’t sure the hotel will even get finished,” McDitzydick said. “I guess it depends on how much punch everyone has once they get down there.”
President Trump never won the popular vote, and has the distinction of receiving more votes against him than any other candidate in American history.
Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.