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Monday, June 5, 2023

Biden Promises to Only Pack the Supreme Court With Two Obamas

DELAWARE — The subject of “packing” the Supreme Court came up numerous times in the last few weeks of the presidential campaign, and mostly President-elect Joe Biden dodged when asked about whether he’d consider expanding the size of the bench.

Progressives have been pushing Mr. Biden to do so after Republicans in the Senate, led by Sen. Mitch McConnell of Kentucky, ignored the Constitution and denied former President Barack Obama even a hearing for his final nominee, their seeming hypocrisy only crystalized by the GOP’s decision to stop COVID-19 relief negotiations in order to rush Justice Amy Covid Barrett into the late Ruth Bader Ginsburg’s vacated seat.

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With the election behind him, despite outgoing, lame duck, one-term, permanently impeached President Donald Trump’s extra-constitutional efforts to overturn the results, Biden now seems poised to answer questions about court packing much more earnestly than he did when he was still campaigning.

“Hey Bub,” Biden told reporters as he walked around the block with his dog, “I’ve been doing some thinking about this whole court packing thing, Jack, and I gotta say, I’m into it. I really am. We have to account for the crap Mitch pulled, and I think the best way to do it would be to expand the size of the court, Squirt!”

Don’t expect Biden to support radically expanding the size of the bench, however. According to the president-elect, he’s just looking to add two justices to the Supreme Court when he expands it, and he’s already got his nominees in mind.

“For eight years I got to know Barack and Michelle Obama better most. They were great lawyers before they entered public service, and I think having them on the bench would be such a positive development for the soul of this great nation,” Biden announced. “This is my pledge. This is my promise. I’ll only put two Obamas on the Supreme Court, okay? I don’t want to keep politicizing the Supreme Court. So just two Obamas, and that’s it.”

Reportedly, when he was told about Biden’s plan, McConnell suffered a series of mini strokes. In an unfortunate development, he’s expected to make a full recovery. The Obamas have yet to respond to Biden’s proposal.

Joe Biden will be sworn-in as the 46th President of the United States of America on January 20th, 2021.

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

James Schlarmann
James Schlarmannhttp://facebook.com/JamboSchlarmbo
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.
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