Tuesday, September 21, 2021

Report: Biden Open to Adding Four Supreme Court Seats to Bench

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Though he publicly continues to dodge the question and play coy, sources within the White House are telling media outlets that President Joe Biden is very interested in expanding the size of the Supreme Court, has already thought of a number of justices he’d like to add, and even has his first four candidates in mind.

“We still can’t tell anyone the particulars of exactly whom the president has on his shortlist,” one source told Newsmakers Magazine last week, “but we can say he’d like to get four more seats added to the bench, and he does indeed have the four people in mind that he’d like to see fill each one of those seats.”

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Biden’s list may be top secret, but aides have dropped a few hints as to the identify of the nominees Biden would put forth.

“Let’s just say that all four are extremely dedicated, hard working, well-respected lawyers. Three of them also were highly-regarded public servants,” another source told MSNPBNJ this morning, “and two of them even have the highest level of experience one can have in government in this country. A third technically should have held the same office, but we have a participation trophy called the Electoral College in this country that prevented that.”

The fact that all four nominees are not just lawyers, but know each other extremely well already is another motivating factor in Biden’s decision to put them at the top of his shortlist.

“I mean, two of them are married to each other, and the other two are married to each other,” the MSNPBNJ source hinted. “So it’s hard to imagine them not starting out with a really good foundational working relationship. One of the nominees Biden would like to put forth is also a constitutional scholar, and that seems like the exact kind of knowledge of our founding documents that someone sitting on the highest court in the country should have.”

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Perhaps expectedly, Senator Ted Cruz (Q-Cancun) heavily criticized the possibility of expanding the court. Cruz called it a “dangerous attempt to correct what Mitch McConnell worked so hard to rig” for Republicans. Cruz warned that if Biden is allowed to expand the court, “decisions might start to match what average Americans believe.”

“And where, exactly, does that leave we Christofascist, pious, hypocritical d-bag Americans? Can anyone in the hard-left, Antifa-sponsored Democrat Party answer me that question,” Cruz asked rhetorically. “I didn’t think so. I rest my case and eat my boogers.”

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

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