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Wednesday, December 8, 2021

Big Bird Asks Big Dodo To Show Him How to Get to Cancun

Beloved children’s performer Big Bird made national headlines this weekend when he posted a video to his social media accounts encouraging other children to get a COVID-19 vaccine just like he did. For several decades, the locals of Sesame Street have encouraged kids to take care of their health by eating nutritious foods, getting regular exercise, and seeing a doctor when they feel ill.

In certain sectors of the political spectrum, however, Big Bird’s PSA was a step too far on the road to full-blown communism. In particular, Big Dodo, a foul Canadian fowl who represents the State of Texas in the U.S. Senate, blasted Big Bird and attacked him repeatedly on social media. Big Dodo, also known as Ted Cruz, called Big Bird’s tweet “government propaganda” aimed at “your five year old.”

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While some may have shied away from addressing someone who criticized them so harshly, in particular for encouraging other kids to get a life saving vaccine, Big Bird chose a different route. He chose instead to reach out to Sen. Big Dodo and ask for a “beak to beak meeting” with the Texas Republican. Surprising no one, Big Dodo sensed an opportunity to get more attention, and took Big Bird up on his offer.

Last night, the two puppets met at a D.C. area restaurant and, according to Big Bird’s representative with the Children’s Television Workshop, had a “cordial and polite meal.” Big Bird apparently wasn’t interested in hashing out whether it was right or wrong for him to tell kids they should take the advice of medical professionals over the medical advice of career politicians, and instead had just one question for Big Dodo.

“Given that both of them are used to having someone else control their thoughts and actions, Big Bird went into the meeting really just hoping to bury the hatchet and find some common ground with Big Dodo,” our source told us.

“That’s why Big Bird went into the room with Big Dodo and just had one question prepared. He wanted to show Big Dodo he, too, has always been interested in traveling to new places. However, Big Bird sometimes gets lost and needs to ask for directions, so he asked Big Dodo how he could get to Cancun, Mexico. Nobody has a better idea how to get to Cancun, and in a hurry, like Big Dodo does.”

By all accounts, the meeting was friendly, and ended in Big Bird getting the directions to Cancun he needed.

“Big Bird was really happy the meeting went so well. He’s looking forward to traveling to Cancun next winter, and he hopes he can convince Big Dodo to join him.”

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

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James Schlarmannhttp://facebook.com/JamboSchlarmbo
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.
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