LA CARNE SACO LLENO DE MIERDA, ARIZONA — Radio personality June Bauer is sick and tired of being called a racist just because she doesn’t like Mexicans and supports a racist president, and she’s not going to take it lying down anymore.
“I am not a racist,” Bauer told her local conservative talk radio audience this weekend, “just because I assume all Mexican immigrants are rapists, all blacks are inherently just more violent, and that generally white people are just better at the whole society thing. That’s hogwash. Libtarded liberal hogwash. And you know what else doesn’t make me racist? Supporting a racist president.”
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Bauer Brewer said she was tired of liberals calling Republicans “bigots and racists” just because “we disagree with him.”
“Look, I am not afraid to say that I supported our state’s ‘Papers Please’ law that gave state police authority to harangue any remotely Hispanic looking person for proof of citizenship,” Bauer told her audience, “and yes, you could say that’s racial profiling, and it’s racially motivated policy. But also, shut up! Because if we want to discriminate in this country, we have a right to, under the notion of Freedom of Association. That’s why we oppose the 14th Amendment, right?”
Still, Bauer repeatedly demanded that “all the libtarded libtards who believe libtarded things and have libtarded thoughts” stop calling her a racist or a bigot when she supports laws or government actions that have undue consequences for minority groups.
“If you wanna — go start your own country somewhere where you can be all flowery and lovey-dovey, that’s on you,” Bauer said, “but clearly this great nation was built on the idea that white people are just…you know…that much better than non-whites. It’s not that big a deal, really. We just want to maintain our status quo position of dominance while not really contributing anything to society other than perpetuating racism. If that makes us racist, then well, I don’t know what to say, really.”
In the end, Bauer says, she believes that it’s time for America to be “taken back to it’s cleaner, less spotty, more, you know, white” roots, which Trump knows and that’s why she supports him. But, she says, that doesn’t make either of them, nor any of the people who support Trump racist.
“Look, did David Duke endorse him? Sure,” Bauer told her radio audience, “and yes other former or current KKK members and white supremacists have endorsed Trump’s agenda. And yes, if you want to be an elitist, academic libtarded libtard, sure, Trump uses inflammatory racist rhetoric about Mexicans. But if you think that saying racist things, supporting racist policies, and voting for a guy who hounded the first black president over his birth certificate while also implying every Mexican who comes here is sent by their government to do horrible things to us makes me racist, then you’re probably a Mexican, a black, a Mexican black, a Chinese, a Dotted Indian, a Feathered Indian, a light-skinned Pakistani guy. Because white people just know better. Period.”
Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.