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Monday, June 5, 2023

AUDIO: Podcasting Birther Says Mueller Russia Probe Is “All Made Up Lies”

COLD CAVE HILLS, TENNESSEE — Right-wing blogger and Internet comments section frequenter Jethro Bohiggins has just about had it with Special Counsel Robert Mueller’s probe into Russian meddling in the 2016 election and possible collusion between Russia and the Trump campaign. His podcast episodes have been devoted exclusively to the investigation this week, and this morning, he ripped into Mueller, calling him a “shill for Hillary even though he’s a Republican and was appointed to the FBI by a Republican president.”

Bohiggins told his audience this morning he can “smell bullshit a mile away” and that the Mueller probe is exactly that.

“This Russia probe? It’s just all made up lies,” Jethro said. “This ain’t Obama’s — excuse me, Barry Sotero’s — birth certificate here. We’re talking about nothing of actual substance; the Demon-crap Party wishes they had themselves a REAL story like Obummer’s birth certificate!”

Jethro says that no matter how much evidence comes to light, he will never believe any of Mueller’s claims.

“What, just cuz Don Jr. admitted to taking a meeting with a Russian lawyer, lied about what the meeting’s purpose was, lied about it again, lied about it a third time, and then had to rush to release emails related to it just before a newspaper story broke about it, I’m supposed to think there’s more to the story there? Get bent, Libtards,” Jethro bellowed.

Bohiggins told his podcast audience that conservatives should be careful and guard themselves against listening to media outlets that aren’t Fox or Breitbart.

“The outlets who warned you about Obama’s FEMA camps, him taking In God We Trust off the money, and being a secret Kenyan Communist Sharia Loving Socialist Saul Alinsky lover? They’re the ones you trust to give you the whole truth,” Jethro insisted. “If they ain’t talking about the clear and obvious connection between Benghazi, Obama’s birth certificate, Seth Rich, and Fast & Furious, they ain’t tellin’ you no truth no-how no-ways.”

Mr. Bohiggins has his own theory as to why the Mueller probe is still ongoing, and he shared it with his audience.

“This is obviously a deep state plot, hatched by George W. Bush, carried through by Obama, and done with the blessing of KILLARY CLINTSTONED,” Bohiggins said. “It’s just lies! There is no truth to it! As soon as we find Obumbo’s real birth certificate, my friends And I on 4Chan and Discord are working on creating — er I mean, FINDING — the evidence I need to prove this whole thing the farce and sham that we know it is.”

Listen to the referenced clips at the links below:

Clip 1

Clip 2

Clip 3

You can read more satire like this every day on The Political Garbage Chute and The Pastiche Post.

More satire:

Poll: Fewer Americans Able To Tell Difference Between Childish Buffoon With Nukes And Kim Jong Un

James Schlarmann
James Schlarmannhttp://facebook.com/JamboSchlarmbo
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.
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