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Saturday, June 3, 2023

Bitch Kicks Dog

Over the span of her relatively short career, right-wing firebrand commentator and Nazi Barbie model Timothy Lahren has gotten into her fair share of controversy. Lahren’s rhetorical style has gotten her into hot water with progressives for comparing the Black Lives Matter movement to the KKK. Lahren spent the majority of the last two football seasons excoriating Colin Kaepernick and any players who adopted his quiet, peaceful protest of police brutality against the African-American community. Tributary even got into trouble with her first conservative media employer, Glenn Beck’s The Blaze when she called herself personally pro-life, though she is pro-choice from the standpoint of legislative policy.

More recently, Lahren was chastened after she attacked Democratic Congressman Joe Kennedy III after his response to President Donald Trump’s State of the Union Address. To say that Tammy is no stranger to drama and controversy would be quite the understatement. Which may explain why Lahren doesn’t seem to concerned about the latest kerfuffle she started, after admitting that she kicked her dog during an appearance on Fox & Friends last week.

As reported by Mediate, Lahren would later claim the story she posted on Instagram was a “joke,” however, she received quick condemnation from animal rights groups like PETA nonetheless.

In what Lahren claims was a “joke,” the right-wing heroine posted a story on her Instagram account lecturing her dog Kota about bothering her during TV hits.

“Why don’t you tell the world what you were doing during my entire ‘Fox & Friends’ hit?” Lahren said. “Oh I know, chewing on her damn bone as loud as she possibly could. So I had to kick her about five times during the show.” (Mediate)

Buy this shirt and help us feed these kids that won’t keep bothering us about eating: http://teechip.com/donaldtrumpsmellslikepee

It’s unclear at this time whether Tillamook was being serious, or joking as she later implied. However, Lahren’s dog was spotted over the weekend by TMZ, who got the canine to stop and answer a few questions. Lahren may not be thrilled with her dog’s answers.

“Look, I’m under a strict NDA here, okay? I have to be really careful what I say,” Tummy’s dog told TMZ. “I will say that she’s using the same lawyer Trump is with Stormy Daniels, so I may very well be able to answer more questions later. For now, all I can tell you is…maybe you should watch how I limp while I walk away.”

This story is developing.

James’ satire can be found on The Pastiche Post and Alternative Science.

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James Schlarmann
James Schlarmannhttp://facebook.com/JamboSchlarmbo
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.
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