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Saturday, September 30, 2023

Boebert: Giving D.C. Statehood ‘Would Be Unfair to Fans of Marvel Movies’

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Unsurprisingly, freshman Qongresswoman Lauren Boebert (R-CO) is against D.C. statehood. In a video posted to TikkiTok, a pro-MAGA social media website for white nationalist fans of the former present, Boebert blasted House Resolution 51, which if passed into law would grant Washington, D.C. statehood.

While it’s not shocking that a Republican congressional representative is against making D.C. an official state, perhaps what might be surprising or noteworthy to some is her reasoning for being against it.

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“So now the Crazy Cancel culture Antifa Soros AOC Squad Left wants to give statehood to a territory with more American citizens than Wyoming or either of the Dakotas,” Boebert says from the passenger seat of her car in the video. “Ummmm. Excuse me, Sleepy Doe-Deepy Joe, but we say ‘Hell no’ to more libtard giveouts and handouts. For many reasons, but first of off because it’s totally unfair to people to fans of Marvel movies!”

With condescension dripping from her words, Boebert reminded Democrats that “only places can be states, not comic books or movies.”

“So I don’t really care how many people work for DC! They don’t get electoral college votes and senators,” Boebert insisted. “I mean, I’m sure we MAGAs would love to give Mar-A-Lago a couple electoral college votes, but that’s not how we do things in this country, yet. So suck it, libs. DC ain’t gonna be no golly-gosh-darned state.”

At that point in the video, Boebert’s car stops and she gets out at a local gun range in her town. Boebert is seen raising her semiautomatic rifle, aiming it, and firing a few shots. When the target is called back to her, a picture of Batman, Superman, and Wonder Woman can be seen, marred with several bullet holes.

“That’s what I say to DC statehood, libs. Now, come and take my guns,” Boebert said. “No, really, you should probably take them before I do something super hella dumb with them.”

DC Comics could not be reached for comment.

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

James Schlarmann
James Schlarmannhttp://facebook.com/JamboSchlarmbo
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.
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