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Sunday, January 29, 2023

Boebert Says D.C. Should Not Be ‘Enstated’ Before Trump is Reinstated

WASHINGTON, D.C. — During an interview this morning on OAN, Rep. Lauren Boebert (Q-Dumbfuckistan) blasted Democrats for their attempts to help the District of Columbia become a full-fledged state in the union. Boebert called it a “direct assault on Republicans” and said that even if she supported it, D.C. should not be “enstated” before former President Donald Trump is reinstated as president.

Many among the MAGA faithful have held out hope that the QAnon conspiracy theories were somehow true, and that Mr. Trump would be restored to power somehow. While the Constitution provides no such mechanism, former President Trump himself has been insisting that he will be restored to power in August. Boebert said she would “absolutely support” Trump’s return to power and “kiss his ring and anus as much as he needs” to believe her loyalty to him. After Trump becomes president in August again, then Boebert says she’s willing to entertain the notion of D.C. statehood.

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“Umm, my question is why we’re talking about letting D.C. get stated before President God King Emperor Trump is properly reinstated? That seems extremely backwards,” Boebert said. “Obviously President Trump was stated way before D.C. so shouldn’t we honor his enstatement first? How can Democrats continue to be so rude and divisive with our would- be dictator? RUDE.”

During the same interview, Boebert gave an update on negotiations between herself, Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene (Q-GA), and former half-term Alaskan Governor Sarah Palin. Last year, Palin says she loaned one of her two brain cells to Greene and Boebert to share during the election season, but now she wants it back. Boebert and Greene have attempted to hang onto the brain cell, however.

“Midge, Sarah, and I had a lovely lunch together a couple of weeks ago, and we all agreed that we’d eventually figure out a way to solve this problem,” Boebert explained. “Luckily, so far, nobody’s needed the brain cell at the same time as the other two. Something tells me we’ll work out a sharing arrangement that works for all parties, but we’ll just have to see.”

At the time of publication, Joe Biden is still Donald Trump’s president.

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

James Schlarmann
James Schlarmannhttp://facebook.com/JamboSchlarmbo
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.
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