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Thursday, August 18, 2022

Boebert: “Americans Don’t Need Vaccines Because The Second Amendment Already Protects Them”

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Congresswoman Lauren Boebert (Q-CO) told a group of pro-MAGA political donors at a prayer breakfast this morning that she thinks getting a COVID-19 vaccine is a “personal choice” and that efforts put in by the Biden administration to encourage and urge Americans to get vaccinated are “pretty much Nazi stuff” and the president should be impeached for them.

During prepared remarks, Boebert — who like so many elected Republicans refuse to state publicly whether they’ve been vaccinated — also implied that Americans don’t need to vaccinate themselves as long as they own guns.

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“Whether or not vaccines are good for keeping us safe from COVID, and I guess, technically, science-tistically speaking they are,” Boebert said, “the bottom line is that it’s stupid to worry so much about protecting yourself when you live in the greatest country with the greatest Constant-tootin’ ever! We get to have guns, people!”

Boebert told the attendees that she believes if Americans “simply shut up, nut up, and arm up,” they’ll be protected from any and all things that could harm them.

“Americans don’t need vaccines because the Second Amendment protects them,” Boebert insisted. “Unless Dr. Fauci is going to seriously tell us that COVID is bulletproof, guess what? You see the coronavirus in your home, you get out your AR-15, and blow that virus away! What else is freedom for, if not to fire hundreds of rounds at a virus?”

The current surge in COVID-19 cases stems almost entirely from the unvaccinated population, and data suggests over 60% of white Republicans flatly refuse to ever get vaccinated. The delta variant of the virus has caused spikes in other countries, and has even landed young children on life support in some southern states. Boebert said that parents of those children hospitalized with COVID-19 should “give the gift of liberty” to their kids and let them “shoot their way out of the COVID quarantine ward.”

“All of this is why I am filing paperwork in Congress today to impeach Joe Biden for caring more about vaccines than guns,” Boebert announced, “because Joe isn’t more smarter than me, and he isn’t more smarter than the Founding Fathers, and they all knew guns were more important than anything in this country.”

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

James Schlarmannhttp://facebook.com/JamboSchlarmbo
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.
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