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Saturday, June 3, 2023

MAGA Boy Can’t Understand Why President Would Call Impeachment a ‘Good Thing Like Lynching’

COLD CAVE HILLS, TENNESSEE — Right-wing podcaster, YouTube producer, and singer/songwriter Jethro Bohiggins is not one of the 50% of Americans who, in a recent CNN poll, said they approve the impeachment and removal of President Donald J. Trump from office. Bohiggins held up a printed copy of the CNN article announcing the results of their poll, as he blasted both the impeachment process underway in the House of Representatives, as well as “any and all cuck-ass bitch Americans who aren’t MAGA enough to forgive a little lawless authoritarianism” in exchange for lower tax rates for the wealthy.

“We can’t have an America if rich people ain’t screwin’ us somehow, fam,” Bohiggins railed. “That’s just fact, okay? Unmitigated fact. I dare you to find me one era in American history where the rich weren’t puttin’ it to the rest of us. You can’t! And you know what, despite what libtards out there might thing, that’s a good thing! It’s not just American, it’s Christian as hell! The Bible specifically talks about how much better rich people are than poor people, and if it don’t, it should, and I’ll damn-well make my own copy say that later tonight, fam!”

Half of Americans say President Donald Trump should be impeached and removed from office, according to a new CNN poll conducted by SSRS, a new high in CNN polling on the topic and the first time that support for impeachment and removal has significantly outpaced opposition. (CNN)

“How the hell are half y’all avocado toast eatin’ libtard millennials gonna impeach this man, huh? I keep sayin’ it, and I’ll say it again,” Bohiggins ranted, “YOU CANNOT IMPEACH A PRESIDENT WITHOUT EVIDENCE HE GOT A BLOWIE IN THE OVAL OFFICE. That is it! That is it! No high crimes. No misdemeanors! Unless one of those crimes or misdemeanors is gettin’ a goddamn blowjob in the Oval Office, fam!”

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While raving about the impeachment inquiry, Bohiggins brought up a tweet Trump sent today, in which he compared it to a “lynching.” Bohiggins called the statement “outrageous.” Jethro believes Trump “really screwed the pooch on this one” by comparing his impeachment to a lynching. Jethro pulled no punches in describing his “shock and disgust” over what Trump tweeted.

“Now, fam, I gotta say, you know I’m MAGA. I’m fuckin’ hardcore MAGA! I’m so MAGA, I’m mega-MAGA,” Bohiggins began, “but our Dear President, in my estimation, made a big huge mistake when he compared his impeachment to a lynching! He has no idea how many of his hardcore, die hard base he just alienated, does he? That makes me concerned as hell, fam, it really does.”

Bohiggins spat some tobacco juice off camera.

“He just compared his impeachment, a bad thing, to something that a lot of his base has good, clean, all-American nostalgia for,” Jethro explained, “and frankly, I don’t know how he can recover from this gaffe, unless he issues a formal apology to all the Good Ol’ Boy, heritage not hate, MAGA lovers in MAGA-Land, y’all. I do really mean that.”

Jethro called on Trump to hold “his biggest klanpaign rally yet” and apologize personally to all 62 million Americans who voted for him in 2016 for his mistake.

“I don’t care if you hold it in Alabama, Tennessee, or one of the other glorious states in the Confederacy,” Bohiggins demanded, “you book that rally, sir! You book that rally right now! You owe everyone a deep apology, Mr. President, sir. I ain’t gonna break up with you over this, because I know deep down you have the white frame of mind to be my president, sir, but you still owe us an apology, if not an explanation for comparing your impeachment to a good thing like lynching.”

Bohiggins admitted his views on lynching “ain’t PC” and could get him “in trouble with the cancel culture of fuckin’ millennial scumbag libtards,” and so he explained his views on lynching.

“Don’t me wrong, fam! I can hear y’all right now. ‘But Jethro, lynching is bad, and racist,'” Bohiggins said. “And that’s true. I ain’t no racist. I mean, sure, I believe somehow that black people are just genetically and culturally predisposed to commit more crime and be addicted to government handouts. But I ain’t racist. I ain’t sayin’ lynchin’ was all good, okay? But I’m also not sayin’ it was all bad, fam! There was good people on both sides of lynchin’.”

Jethro said that since lynching was “people taking matters of justice into their own hands,” they were “technically very American and prolly constitutional as hell.”

“Power to the people, right? The people have the power in this country,” Jethro howled. “So therefore, lynching at least on some level was just Americans taking control of the justice system in their own hands. Sounds American as fuck to me, y’all.”

This is not the first time Bohiggins has ranted about impeaching Trump. Watch a clip of Jethro’s rant about it for Alt Facts host Fred M. Iggle, on a recent edition of The Iggle Report, below.

Trump Hereby Orders Constitution’s References To “Impeachment” Changed To “Coup “

Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

James Schlarmann
James Schlarmannhttp://facebook.com/JamboSchlarmbo
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.
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