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Saturday, September 30, 2023

Brandon Goes to the White House, Confirms Biden is Still Trump’s President

WASHINGTON, D.C. — It finally happened. After a couple of weeks of chants at college football games and other large gatherings of pro-MAGA Americans, Brandon did, indeed, “go.”

If you have been on social media or the comment sections of news articles about President Joe Biden lately, you have probably seen #LetsGoBrandon. As unmistakably stupid as the Death Cult of Donald Trump has proven to be, that chant could mean anything, and nobody should be given too much grief for not knowing who Brandon is, or why incestuous Americans are chanting his name at sporting events.


Today, the whole country got its answer.

“Umm, hi, my name is Brandon. You might know me from all those chants, telling me to ‘Lets Go?’ Anyway,” Brandon was overheard by several eyewitnesses as he showed up at the White House driveway gate. “I did actually go. Here, to the White House. Can I get a tour, and maybe see who’s president at the moment?”

Because it was what staffers called a “slow day,” Brandon was indeed granted access to the White House. After poking around the kitchen, and noting a distinct lack of McDonald’s branded implements and food products, Brandon reportedly asked to visit the Oval Office. After a quick background check to make sure he wasn’t part of any recent coup attempts, Brandon was allowed to check in on the Oval Office.

“Oh, woah. Hi! I didn’t expect to find you here,” Brandon said as he came upon President Biden sitting behind the Resolute Desk. “The last guy got me pretty used to the idea of presidents only pretending to work, and mostly just golfing.”

Biden chuckled.

“So,” Brandon continued. “You’re the president now?”

Biden nodded and chuckled some more.

“That means you’re going to stay the president until your term is up,” Brandon asked.

Biden once more chuckled and nodded agreement.

“That goes for, like, every American right? You’re every American’s president,” Brandon asked the president.

Again, Biden smiled, nodded, and laughed a little bit.

“Which means you’re also the last guy’s president, too, is that correct,” Brandon questioned Biden, “Mr. President?”

This question made Biden laugh uproariously. He confirmed, again, that he was Donald Trump’s president.

“Okay, I thought so,” Brandon said, “I just wanted to go here and make sure. Hopefully everyone stops chanting at me now.”


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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

James Schlarmann
James Schlarmannhttp://facebook.com/JamboSchlarmbo
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.
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