Friday, March 5, 2021

Entertainment

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Tomi Lahren: “Everyone Knows Mermaids Are White, Just Like Santa and Jesus!”

LA CULERA RUBIA ARRUGADA, CALIFORNIA -- Fox News contributing racist muppet Timothy Lahren railed against Disney's decision to cast a female of color in...

Donald Trump Jr. Asks His Dad Who He Has to Blow to ‘Get a Killer Office Like Ivanka’

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Are tensions mounting between America's Royal Family? Leaks out of the White House indicate that a cat fight might be kicking...

Trump Takes Credit for James Holzhauer’s Winning Streak and Its Conclusion

LONDON, ENGLAND -- Word has gotten to President Donald Trump that James Holzhauer has finally been defeated on the long-running quiz game show Jeopardy. Upon...

Bablyon Bee Converts to Conservative Christian Mega-Church

LAKE PROPAGANDA, MICHIGAN --  The online satirical publication known as The Babylon Bee has decided to stop publishing fake news stories aimed at a decidedly...

Alabama GOP Demands “Arthur” Air Episode Where He Marries His Sister

BAISEURS DE COUSIN EN ARRIÉRE PARISH, ALABAMA -- On May 13th, 2019, PBS aired the season premiere of "Arthur," a long-running children's animated program...

Trump Boasts He Was The Inspiration for the ‘Best’ Star Wars Character

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Today, throughout the country, fans are celebrating an unofficial "Star Wars Day." More than 40 years ago, George Lucas' seminal film, Star Wars:...

Barr Exonerates Dozens of Criminals Who Were Arrested After Scooby-Doo’s Investigations

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- In a truly shocking and unforeseen chain of events, dozens of criminals apprehended by Mystery Incorporated, an independent private investigation firm...

InfoWars Subscriber Believes Alex Jones Hired Crisis Actor to Play Alex Jones in Wild Deposition

COLD CAVE HILLS, TENNESSEE -- Right-wing podcaster and social media influencer Jethro Bohiggins isn't just a fan and supporter of President Donald J. Trump,...

Everybody Totally Believed That Was Stephen Miller’s Real Hair

The alarm went off at its usual time -- 3:30am in the morning. The president was probably already 30 minutes into his morning tweet-rage...

Wall-Eyed Sean Hannity Dedicated Show’s A-Block To Repeating ‘That U.N. Press Conference Was Totally Normal’ Non-Stop

NEW YORK, NEW YORK -- President Donald Trump gave one of the most bizarre, careening, at times almost incoherent press conferences any world leader...
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