65 F
Los Angeles
Wednesday, May 31, 2023

Son Called CPS Because Parents Were Watching Tucker Carlson

This week, sister publication The Political Garbage Chute reported on quite a noteworthy event. In a small Georgia town, a boy called Child Protective Services. This in and of itself might not be something a news outlet as famous, prestigious, and trustworthy as PGC would publish a story about; however, the reasoning behind the kid’s decision to turn his parents was certainly worth telling readers about.

“We took the call from CPS last evening, and two of our officers were sent to look into the report,” Deputy Sgt. Miguel Montoya told reporters this morning. “When they arrived, they found a young boy, who told them he had been the one to report his parents. Apparently, he caught them watching Tucker Carlson’s show, and turned them in.” (PGC)

According to the report, the boy, who is a minor and therefore his name is not being published, was fearful his parents, having been watching Carlson on Fox News, would “end up angry, rabid racists.” The boy was anxious about his parents perhaps participating in a failed coup attempt, or they might start shouting at people for wearing masks in public to stop the spread of COVID-19.

“I don’t want to live in a house with white supremacist morons who don’t understand something simple like wearing a mask to protect others,” the boy was quoted as telling officers when they arrived on the scene. “So whether you take me out of here, or you take them somewhere, I don’t care. I just worry about their overall mental health if they keep watching Tucker’s nightly klan rallies.” (PGC)


Local authorities are telling the press that this is a rather unusual case, and that there isn’t a clear path forward. The district attorney handling the case said she’s not going to preview any potential prosecution in the media, however she did intimate that she seems some angles she can use to argue that what the parents did by watching Carlson’s show constitutes child endangerment.

“We don’t have any laws specifically about not exposing your kids to Tucker Carlson in this state,” Smithville District Attorney Carol Karolsby told us. “That being said, it’s illegal to dump your kid in the sewer, so for the same reasons we’re going to hold the parents in custody until the courts get a chance to look into this case more specifically. “While it’s unclear exactly what the next few days and weeks hold for the family, Georgia law states that the son will need to remain separated from his parents while the courts adjudicate the situation. (PGC)

Updates will be published to this story as they develop.

MORE: Entire Population of The Dakotas Shuts Down Single Starbucks to Protest D.C. Statehood

Become a Patron!

Follow James on Instagram.
Subscribe to James’ Patreon for ad-free satire.


Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

James Schlarmann
James Schlarmannhttp://facebook.com/JamboSchlarmbo
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.
Latest news
Related news


Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.



Popular categories