WASHINGTON, D.C. — For the past four years, Donald Trump has from time to time made mention of what he calls the “Deep State.” Although initially it was confirmed that he thought he was referring to the condition of a deep dish, or Chicago style, pizza, eventually Trump came to use the term as so many of his allies on the Hill use it — to describe a cabal of unelected bureaucrats who have entrenched themselves in American government with for the purposes of truly controlling the levers of power. Off and on, Trump has accused the Deep State of working on behalf of his political enemies, and he has often brought up former President Obama “spying” on his campaign as an example of the Deep State’s activities, even though Obama did not, in fact, spy on his campaign.
Today, it’s being reported that Trump, while still processing his stinging rebuke at the ballot boxes last month, has decided to plan for a future outside the White House. However, in doing so, he’s apparently decided to install his own shadow government. Trump and his team are calling that group his “Derp State.”
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“For four years now, real, true blue, ammo hoarding, God fearing, Christian American patriots have supported me,” Trump was overheard on the phone today, “and now it’s time for me to support them, by putting some of my most devoted people into the Derp State. And let me tell you, nobody can be as derp as my team can be! We will show everyone just how deep our derp goes!”
It’s unclear, who exactly will be a part of the Derp State, but some candidates have been leaked. In a letter sent to this publication, President Trump lists who he’d like to see installed permanently in places of power and influence. The list contains familiar names.
“I’m thinking we put my idiot son Eric somewhere, and my bigger idiot son Don Jr, too,” Trump writes. “Also, let’s see if we can get Betsy Devos permanently set up somewhere as well. If there are any spots we can slot Dinesh D’Souza and Sean Hannity into, that would be quite nice. Basically, I need my stupidest and most loyal supporters involved here, and I hope you can help me.”
President-elect Biden issued a short statement in response to news that Trump was forming the Derp State.
“LOL!,” Biden’s statement reads in its entirety.
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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.