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Saturday, April 1, 2023

Disneyland Worker Sleeping In Car Proud Of Her Employer’s Moral Stance Against James Gunn’s 10 Year Old Jokes


ANASLIME, CALIFORNIA — It’s a world of hopes of laughter, a world of fears, a world of hope, and a world of fears, but it’s also a world of working poverty for Susan Clemson, who works at the Disneyland amusement park, and makes just barely enough to afford to keep making payments on the car she sleeps in every night.

“I’m so thankful to the Walt Disney Company for my job, which provides me no benefits because I work less than 40 hours a week, which is a purposeful, profit-minded corporate policy,” Clemson told us this weekend. “But I can I just tell you all something else too? It’s so incredible working for a company with the strong moral backbone that Disney has, standing up to 10 year old jokes like they did!”

Clemson says that “kowtowing to rapey right-wing loons that get pizza joints shot up” is something “wholesome, that the entire family can enjoy.” And she says that’s exactly why Disney is sticking by its decision and not re-hiring James Gunn after firing him as director on The Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3. 

“If a weird guy who sells snake oil supplements and a bunch of white supremacist Nazis can’t get a guy fired, is this really America anymore,” Susan wonders. “I mean, sure, I would love to have a real roof over my head and not have to park in a different WalMart parking lot every night, worried about getting murdered, raped, rape-murdered, or murder-raped. But what’s more important to me is that racists and Trump acolytes feel coddled, obviously.”

Susan says that criticism of Disney for firing Gunn over offensive tweets is hypocritical because of their own past problematic material “blows everything out of proportion.”

“Is there a movie in the Disney pantheon that has a character literally named Tar Baby? Sure, but does that mean Disney cedes all moral high ground just because it has verifiable, undeniably racist, sexist, and xenophobic content,” Susan asked us. “I’ll let your readers decide. I have to go buy nearly expired tuna from the 55 cent store that just opened up to compete with the 75 cent stores that opened up to give the 99 cent ones a run for their money. Hail Disney!”

James‘ satire is found on: The Political Garbage Chute; HuffPostAlternative Science, Alternative Facts, Not Really.NewsThe Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts, and Modern Liberals

James Schlarmann
James Schlarmannhttp://facebook.com/JamboSchlarmbo
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.
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