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Monday, June 5, 2023

DNC Announces First Presidential Debate Between Donald Trump and Chris Wallace

WASHINGTON, D.C. — The Democratic National Committee has announced the first presidential debate of the 2020 election, and some might find themselves quite surprised at the details.

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In a press release issued this morning, the DNC set the date of the first presidential debate, and laid out the general groundwork. To be clear, these are simply the DNC’s first proposed rules and guidelines, and they could change should the White House demand changes to the format or any other component of the debate. Those close to the situation are already hedging their bets, assuming that President Donald Trump will raise a red flag about what the Democrats have proposed.

In short, the DNC has reached out to Fox News host and reporter Chris Wallace, asking him to take the place that, traditionally speaking, former Vice President Joe Biden would take during the debate. Observers of American politics would note that throughout the country’s history, the two major party candidates have squared off to debate one another; however there are no laws on the Constitution or the U.S. code that specify who the debaters be, specifically.

This weekend, Fox News aired an interview with Trump that was conducted by Mr. Wallace. During the interview, Wallace pushed back several times on accusations that Trump made about the policies Biden supports. During one particularly testy exchange, Wallace tells Trump that Biden does not, in fact, support disbanding the police, and Trump demands that Press Secretary Barbie McDitzydick produce a “charter” that he says Biden signed, agreeing to abolish the police.

Wallace pushed back on that assertion to the point that a clearly upset Trump demanded that his press secretary produce the evidence of what he was claiming Biden agreed to. Trump looked sweaty and sounded hostile during much of the interview.

Following the broadcast of the interview, the DNC decided to “change things up” and invite Wallace to debate Trump.

“It is with great pleasure and anticipation that we announce the proposed date, time, and particulars of the first debate of the 2020 presidential election,” the DNC wrote in their press release. “While we have every confidence in the world that former Vice President Biden would make short work of the Crybaby Fascist in Chief, after observing the interview he conducted with Fox News anchor Chris Wallace this weekend, the Democratic National Committee made the decision to change things up a bit from how they’ve done in the past, and invite Mr. Wallace to debate Mr. Trump instead of Mr. Biden.”

The DNC suggested that if “President Trump is too scared to debate Wallace” in the traditional sense, they would agree to drastically changing the format of the debate.

“If the president feels more comfortable, he can request to hold the debate outside, so that his orange pancake makeup can slide of his fat face and neck vagina, while Mr. Wallace asks him questions,” the DNC suggested. “Very candidly, as long as Wallace is talking to Trump, and letting the president simply say whatever it is that his brain thinks he needs to say, we’ll be totally fine with it. Just put the president in front of a camera, and have Chris Wallace ask him questions. If there’s a better way to beat Trump than having Trump be Trump, we’re open to hearing suggestions. Until then, we look forward to the White House accepting our offer and holding our first debate!”

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

James Schlarmann
James Schlarmannhttp://facebook.com/JamboSchlarmbo
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.
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