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Monday, June 5, 2023

BOMBSHELL: Donald Trump Tested Positive for Stupidity Hours Before 2020 Debate

In a newly published excerpt from his upcoming memoir from the time he served in the White House, Mark Meadows reveals what can only be described as an utter bombshell — former President Don Trump tested positive for stupidity, just hours before he debated then-candidate Joe Biden.

The excerpt of Meadows’ book claims that Trump ordered a series of tests that attempted to record his mental acuity and fitness in the days ahead of his first debate with Biden. The results, perhaps unsurprisingly to anyone who paid attention to things he said or did in the past, were “quite conclusive,” according to Meadows. Don Trump was certified a “complete and total loony fuckwit” by a battery of tests, and he did not disclose those results to Biden, or anyone else, prior to the debate starting.

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An excerpt of Meadows’ book follows, below:

It was getting down to what the president called “crunch time.” The rest of us understood that when he used that phrase, it was time to keep the McDonald’s just up the road from the White House on high alert, and sending us six Big Macs on the quarter-hour, every quarter-hour, right up until the moment before he was supposed to get on that stage and debate Sleepy Joe. President Trump knew that the results of his IQ test, and other various tests of his intelligence, would start trickling in with a day or two before the debate. So, to say he was on edge would be quite the understatement.

At about 5:00pm the night of the debate, the results started coming in. It was a wave of bad news for President Trump. One test after another confirming his stupidity, each one more conclusively than the last. In one of the tests, he was simply asked his name, and where he was born. He answered, “John Baron, and I was born in Heaven, anointed by God to lead this great nation.”

The tests were so bad for him, that we started wondering if the president would ask for us to claim that it was Don Trump Jr who took the tests. He could order us to tell the press that the testing company fucked up and left the “Jr” part off. Thankfully, we never had to have that conversation.

In the end, the president would benefit most from his greatest character trait — ignorance. His ability to ignore reality is unlike any I’ve seen. He simply pretends that things exist, or don’t exist, and that’s the universe he resides in. So when I asked him if he wanted me to release the results of his intelligence test before the debate started, I was not surprised at all to hear his reply.

“What tests, Mark? What tests are you referring to?”

Stable genius, through and through. 

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

James Schlarmann
James Schlarmannhttp://facebook.com/JamboSchlarmbo
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.
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