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Monday, June 5, 2023

Dr. Dre Fauci Suggests Trump May Want to Have Himself Tested for ‘Punkassbitchitis’

Dr. Dre Fauci, the gangster alter ego of Dr. Tony Fauci, released a statement this morning, blasting President Donald Trump as a “mark ass buster” who “thinks you can cure diseases by shooting up Clorox.” Fauci’s alter ego also accused Trump of “attempting to distract Americans” from his administration’s response to COVID-19 by “bringing up first pitches at baseball games like a little bitch.”

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“Yo, Demented D, what the fuck? Why you talkin’ shit on my pitching skills, dog,” Dr. Dre Fauci tweeted today. “You out here acting like people care more about who can throw a ball better than who can help fight coronavirus. Who the fuck you think you are? Some reality-TV game show hostin’ motherfucker? Not anymore, homey, you the president. ACT LIKE IT, BITCH.”

Dr. Dre Fauci also accused Trump of “lying like the shitty rug on your head” to the American people about the coronavirus. 

“Maybe I can’t throw a baseball for shit, but you can’t tell the American people the truth about what you had for breakfast,” Fauci seethed. “I’d rather not be able to get the ball over the plate and still be able to help the country beat covid than be a tiny-fingered daughter luster who can throw the ball marginally better but not have the leadership skills it takes to get a scout troop out of an empty parking lot!”

Before signing off, Dr. Dre Fauci gave the president some medical advice.

“Here’s what I think you should do, speaking as a doctor,” Fauci tweeted. “You should waddle your fat fuckin’ ass down to Walter Reed again and ask them to test you for this disease that I’m 100,000% sure you have. Ask them to test you for punkassbitchitis. You have all the symptoms of a punk ass bitch, but I think having clinical confirmation of your infection would be good for the American people, as we get read to vote your plump ass out of office.”

The White House has not responded to Fauci’s tweets yet.

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Like what you read? Consider becoming a paid Facebook subscriber, or signing up for my Patreon. Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

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James Schlarmann
James Schlarmannhttp://facebook.com/JamboSchlarmbo
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.
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