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Monday, June 5, 2023

Dr. Oz Hopeful Republican Voters Still Like Electing Snake Oil Peddling Douchebags

This week, Dr. Oz, who rose to prominence and fame thanks to regular appearances on The Oprah Winfrey Show in the late 1990’s and early 2000’s, and whose syndicated talk show has been lambasted repeatedly for promoting junk science, announced that he is running to replace outgoing Pennsylvania Senator Pat Toomey (R). Oz is seeking the nomination of the Republican Party over Toomey’s other would-be successors.

Oz has not served in any elected capacity. However, appearing on Fox News this morning, he said he is “excited and quite energized” to start his campaign. Oz also said he’s “extremely hopeful” he can “count on Pennsylvania Republicans to be consistent.”

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“As a TV carnival barker myself, I am hoping that Republicans in the Granite State haven’t grown tired of voting for snake oil peddling douchebags. I’m really hopeful that the former president didn’t suck all the air out of that particular balloon, and that I have some wiggle room myself in that regard,” Oz told the automaton hosts.

It’s unclear at this time if Oz can count on much support from the MAGA crowd. Former President Don Trump hasn’t weighed in officially yet, however Oz indicated he’s willing to “kiss the mangled dong and ring” of the former president if that’s what it takes to secure an endorsement.

“Over the years, I’ve hocked any number of toxic things that are really bad for you under the guise of giving sound medical advice. If it means I can do the same in a political sense, I will learn how to package and sell MAGA in a more desirable form, and if I have spit polish the man’s taint to get an endorsement to do so, that’s what I’ll do,” Oz promised.

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

James Schlarmann
James Schlarmannhttp://facebook.com/JamboSchlarmbo
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.
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