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Monday, June 5, 2023

Man Burning Cross in a MAGA Hat Says Democrats Are the ‘Real Racists’

WALLACE, GEORGIA — A man in a MAGA hat burning a cross on the lawn of his black neighbor is not a racist, he says.

“You know who the real racists are? The Democrats, that’s who,” the man tells us as he watches the embers fly from the cross he’s set ablaze just moments ago. “They like to call everything we say racist just because a lot of what we say somehow, magically, ends up serving the same exact ends as white supremacy, like the cucks they is.”

He’s seen the tweets from President Trump telling freshmen congresswomen — all of them women of color — to “go back where they came from.” The man in the MAGA hat burning the cross doesn’t see anything racist about those tweets. He’s still “pretty sure” the actual racists in America are the Democrats in the Democratic Party.

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“Uh, welfare is inherently racist because it’s implying that minorities can’t make it without Big Daddy government,” the man tells us, “and I don’t care how many more millions of white people are on welfare than brown people! I know what I feel, and unlike libtarded feelings, my feelings is facts, fam!”

Wanting America to “be as white as possible,” is not racist, the man insists. In fact, it’s “quite the opposite,” he told us. Smoking a cigarette and drinking his Busch beer, the man continues.

“Since when is it racist to presume I’m better than a brown person who has a stronger work ethic and higher education than me? That sounds like more liberal bullshit,” he says with a snarl on his lips.

The man says that Trump “could have been referring to anyone” and that “racism is less evil than communism.”

“And since all those women are obviously full-blown commies — and Senator Lindsey Graham is an American hero for calling them what they are — then I’d say being racist to commies is just fine by me,” the man says. “In fact, I’d take it one step further and say it’s impossible to be racist to a commie!”

Identity politics have ruined America, the man burning the cross tells us.

“I’m sick and tired of identity politics and the damage it’s caused! Stop telling me about how life is hard for brown people, because that makes me have to think, and thinking leads to thoughts, which might lead to me thinking of solutions, and only commie socialist libtards propose those,” the man tells us. “Identity politics is so dangerous we white, working class, Christian, gun loving, nationalist Republicans have to band together and stop it before it tears our country apart!”

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because they have a definition of hate speech that includes “calling Ann Coulter the C-word.”

James’ newest satirical compilation is out now and available from Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and soon at WalMart.com.

James Schlarmann
James Schlarmannhttp://facebook.com/JamboSchlarmbo
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.
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