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Saturday, June 3, 2023

Users Spot eBay Listings for The Lincoln Bedroom Set and The President’s Resolute Desk

Users of the auction and sale website eBay are reporting a massive uptick in listings for items that seem to be coming from the White House. According to eBay’s Chief Auction Data Officer during an investor call this morning, site administration staff has received hundreds of reports that someone is trying to sell things they stole from the White House. While eBay has said they will continue to monitor the situation closely and take down any sales of items that clearly belong to the taxpayers, it’s possible they might not catch them all.

“We strongly advise users to really investigate and research the items they are bidding on,” CADO Helen Tomjonavich said, “because while we will be trying our hardest to find and end the auctions that pertain to items that belong to the U.S. taxpayers, we could miss some, and we’d hate for anyone to get in trouble for buying stolen goods on our site.”

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Among the items listed, users have reported seeing the Lincoln Bedroom set and the president’s Resolute Desk, which resides in the Oval Office.

“It should go without saying that no one has the right to sell these things, no matter how powerful they are,” Tomjonavich explained, “but 75 million Americans just voted for a racist bully to stay in power despite signs that he’s a real-life fascist authoritarian tax cheat. So clearly we have crossed some rubicons that require us to state it explicitly — nobody has the legal right to sell the furnishings from the White House.”

While it’s unclear exactly who is behind the account that has been putting things from the White House on eBay, the username is “AmericanPresGuy4569LOL.” Tomjonavich said she is not at liberty to discuss who that account belongs to. However, she did say that “no elected office” would give anyone permission to sell such historical items.

“We, well, we have a pretty good idea who would be so desperate for cash after January 21st that they’d do this,”but of course I cannot discuss such things without compromising user security. Let’s just say that unlike Facebook and Twitter, if he continues to act in such ways, we’ll have no problem booting him off our site.”

ALSO: Trumpist Strikes a Blow for Freedom by Giving His Grandmother Covid-19 on Thanksgiving

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

James Schlarmann
James Schlarmannhttp://facebook.com/JamboSchlarmbo
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.
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