WASHINGTON, D.C. — The heated, bitter war of words between Senator Liz Warren and President Donald Trump has reached a new height today, as the Massachusetts Democrat has just accepted the president’s challenge of a DNA test of her Native American heritage, but on one stinging condition.
“Sure, Donald, I’ll submit to that DNA test, even though that’s not really the point of my family story about Native American heritage,” Warren said in a written statement provided to us by her office. “But on the lone, single condition that you agree to take a basic, third grade spelling test. Deal?”
Trump and Warren have tangled publicly since the January 2017 inauguration, but this past week, the rhetorical attacks have been stepped up. Trump repeatedly called Senator Warren “Pocahontas,” as he often has, during one of his signature, free-wheeling, unhinged ranting style rallies. Trump and his allies have attacked Warren incessantly over her claims of Native American heritage, which she cannot offer any definitive proof of. Several genealogists have stated, however, that Warren would be counted among millions of American families that have old legends in them of Native ancestry.
“Pocahontas, they always want me to apologize for saying it. I want to apologize,” Trump said. “Pocahontas, I apologize to you. I apologize to you. To you I apologize. To the fake Pocahontas, I won’t apologize.” (SOURCE)
Senator Warren wasted absolutely no time at all in responding to Trump’s very public goading and insults.
Hey, @realDonaldTrump: While you obsess over my genes, your Admin is conducting DNA tests on little kids because you ripped them from their mamas & you are too incompetent to reunite them in time to meet a court order. Maybe you should focus on fixing the lives you’re destroying.
— Elizabeth Warren (@elizabethforma) July 5, 2018
This morning, despite previously saying she’d never submit to a DNA test, Warren said she’d had a “change of heart” and decided to offer the deal to Trump.
“The president seems mighty awful proud of his prowess as a deal maker, so let’s see if he can make a deal with me,” Warren later told a local radio host in the nation’s capital. “Let’s see him put his money where his puckered cat’s asshole of a mouth is, shall we?”
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Warren says that she based her offer of a third grade level spelling test on Trump’s tweeting history.
“Most people, when they become the leader of the free world, might slow down, and make sure that every tweet they send, every syllable they put out into the world as the most powerful person on it, would be meticulously chosen and verified to be correct,” Warren said. “But clearly this schmingy just wakes up, maybe does a line of coke off an eastern European hooker’s tits, and then tweets batshit crazy, sometimes racist, almost always wrong, shit, and all with horrific grammar and spelling.”
Thus far, the White House has not responded to Senator Warren’s offer, but this story will be updated when and if they do.
James‘ satire is found on: The Political Garbage Chute; HuffPost, Alternative Science, Alternative Facts, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts, and Modern Liberals.