65.1 F
Los Angeles
Thursday, June 1, 2023

Warren Agrees to DNA Test on Condition of Trump Spelling Test

WASHINGTON, DC – JANUARY 30: Senator Elizabeth Warren (D-MA) listens as Treasury Secretary Steven Mnuchin delivers the annual financial stability report to the Senate Banking, Housing and Urban Affairs Committee on January 30, 2018 in Washington, DC. Mnuchin said the Treasury can extend the government’s debt limit suspension period into February before it exhausts its borrowing ability. (Photo by Pete Marovich/Getty Images)

WASHINGTON, D.C. — The heated, bitter war of words between Senator Liz Warren and President Donald Trump has reached a new height today, as the Massachusetts Democrat has just accepted the president’s challenge of a DNA test of her Native American heritage, but on one stinging condition.

“Sure, Donald, I’ll submit to that DNA test, even though that’s not really the point of my family story about Native American heritage,” Warren said in a written statement provided to us by her office. “But on the lone, single condition that you agree to take a basic, third grade spelling test. Deal?”

Trump and Warren have tangled publicly since the January 2017 inauguration, but this past week, the rhetorical attacks have been stepped up. Trump repeatedly called Senator Warren “Pocahontas,” as he often has, during one of his signature, free-wheeling, unhinged ranting style rallies. Trump and his allies have attacked Warren incessantly over her claims of Native American heritage, which she cannot offer any definitive proof of. Several genealogists have stated, however, that Warren would be counted among millions of American families that have old legends in them of Native ancestry.

“Pocahontas, they always want me to apologize for saying it. I want to apologize,” Trump said. “Pocahontas, I apologize to you. I apologize to you. To you I apologize. To the fake Pocahontas, I won’t apologize.” (SOURCE)

Senator Warren wasted absolutely no time at all in responding to Trump’s very public goading and insults.

This morning, despite previously saying she’d never submit to a DNA test, Warren said she’d had a “change of heart” and decided to offer the deal to Trump.

“The president seems mighty awful proud of his prowess as a deal maker, so let’s see if he can make a deal with me,” Warren later told a local radio host in the nation’s capital. “Let’s see him put his money where his puckered cat’s asshole of a mouth is, shall we?”

MORE: Citing Budget Deficit, Trump Enacts Tariff On Free Speech

Warren says that she based her offer of a third grade level spelling test on Trump’s tweeting history.

“Most people, when they become the leader of the free world, might slow down, and make sure that every tweet they send, every syllable they put out into the world as the most powerful person on it, would be meticulously chosen and verified to be correct,” Warren said. “But clearly this schmingy just wakes up, maybe does a line of coke off an eastern European hooker’s tits, and then tweets batshit crazy, sometimes racist, almost always wrong, shit, and all with horrific grammar and spelling.”

Thus far, the White House has not responded to Senator Warren’s offer, but this story will be updated when and if they do.

James‘ satire is found on: The Political Garbage Chute; HuffPostAlternative Science, Alternative Facts, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts, and Modern Liberals

James Schlarmann
James Schlarmannhttp://facebook.com/JamboSchlarmbo
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.
Latest news
Related news


Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.



Popular categories