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Sunday, February 5, 2023

GA Republicans Propose Segregated Voting Booths

ATLANTA, GEORGIA — Republicans in the State of Georgia are not quite yet done tinkering with the Peach State’s voting laws. A new law working its way through the legislature in the state would create newly segregated voting booths, should the governor sign the bill into law.

After Joe Biden took the state’s Electoral College prize, and two months later both Republican senators were swept out of office in a special election, GOP elected officials in Georgia started working on a spate of proposals to reverse those Democratic gains the next time around. Last night, Governor Brian Kemp signed the first such bill into law, which drastically cuts into early voting, requires a photo ID for mail-in ballots, and even criminalizes giving food and water to people waiting in line to vote.

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“With this new bill, we hope to make it just that much easier for people to know which voting infrastructure they’re allowed to use,” State Rep. Tom Thompaulsen told Fox News this morning. “So people will use either the Democrat or the white booth. This is just how God naturally intended us to vote, you see. So going against this? It’s really going against God.”

When Thompaulsen was asked about white Democrats and where they should vote, he laughed.

“They really shouldn’t be allowed to vote, if you ask me, but I guess they’d have to vote with their fellow Demo-lovers,” Thompaulsen suggested. “That seems about right to me, anyway.”

If signed into law, the bill would force municipalities in Georgia to create two “separate and unequal” systems for voting — one for Democrats, and one for white people. Thompaulsen defends the law as “necessary to secure the integrity of the election.”

“And we all know Democrats have no integrity, so anything we can do to limit their ability and access to vote is truly best for the good, clean, melanin-free, God fearing, cross burning people of this great state,” Thompaulsen insisted. “No matter how much Antifa sponsored cancel culture they throw at us, we will not be intimidated into not intimidating poor people and people of color into not voting!”

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

James Schlarmann
James Schlarmannhttp://facebook.com/JamboSchlarmbo
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.
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