WASHINGTON, D.C. — Sources close to the situation are reporting at this hour that former President Barack Hussein Obama (D-Kenya) has been ordered by Supreme Dark Lord Chancellor George Soros to investigate whether warehouses built during the years 2009-2017 to house confiscated American guns and the corpses of dead babies have enough room to continue their operations.
“Darth Sharia, you are to make your way to the Secret Bunker and make contact with all 50 camps we set up during your reign,” Soros wrote to Obama in a communique provided to this outlet. “We cannot afford to have the current administration blow the cover off our most lucrative Liberal Democrat/Libtard Demoncrat schemes!”
Mr. Soros was referring to a tweet sent by White House Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders on March 5th, 2019. In the tweet, Huckabee Sanders accuses House Judiciary Committee chairman Jerry Nadler of “disgraceful and abusive” behavior. Nadler had announced a sweeping document request in order to obtain better insight and oversight. The Constitution rests the power of overseeing, or “checking” the president’s power, but Huckabee blasted Nadler’s announcement, and went so far as to say the investigation was an attempt to “distract from [The Democrats’] radical agenda of making America a socialist country, killing babies after they’re born” and the Green New Deal, which Huckabee claimed would “destroy jobs and bankrupt America.”
Ms. Huckabee Sanders’ tweet is seen below.
Statement on Chairman Nadler’s fishing expedition. pic.twitter.com/tBsVzrtGYg
— Sarah Sanders (@PressSec) March 5, 2019
While many on the Hill dismissed Huckabee Sanders’ words as nothing much more than heated rhetoric, apparently Mr. Soros was quite alarmed.
“Lord Sharia, I am quite alarmed at this new development. As you know, I foresaw everything as it is unfolding, but if that administration blows the lid off our baby mining operation, we’re kaput,” Soros wrote Obama. “We’re going to have to double or even triple our efforts. So that means you have to go make sure we can pack those warehouses to the gills with guns and dead babies.”
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Readers may be surprised to find out that Obama is still endeavoring to confiscate all the guns in America. It was generally presumed that his “gun grabbing” would end after he left office. However, word is that Obama has been personally sneaking into homes in red states — those states that went for Donald Trump in 2016 — and removing any firearms. It’s unclear at this time, but Republican authorities have long assumed that Obama also performs sneak attack abortions during his late-night gun raids.
“As you know, our entire plan to subvert America from within depends on three things — murdering babies after they’re born, taking away all the guns, and taking ‘In God We Trust’ off our currency,” Soros tells Obama. “They found out about our third phase during your presidency and shut it down, which is of course why we orchestrated Benghazi to cover it all up. So we’re already down to just two ways to take America down from within. It’s time to stuff our warehouses so full of dead babies and confiscated guns Republicans will think they walked into a Cabela’s in Hell.”
Former President Obama is said to have received and acknowledged the transmission from Emperor Soros, and is on his way to an undisclosed, secret Super Secret Sharia Voodoo Lair. The bunker was built in preparation for the Bowling Green Massacre, a battle planned for the Great Jade Helm War, which conservative forces in the media were able to find out about and stop. It’s unclear how many dead babies or guns can fit in the warehouses, but Obama has vowed to “not rest” until “they’re all full to their libtarded brims.”
This is a developing story.
Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook and Instagram, but not Twitter because he has a potty mouth.