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Monday, June 5, 2023

Glenn Greenwald Still Not Sure Russia’s Invasion of Ukraine Counts as Russia Invading Ukraine

While the Biden administration was trying its best to warn America, and indeed the world, that Russian President Vladimir Putin was amassing forces on the Ukrainian border ahead of a planned invasion, super-journalist Glenn Greenwald was on the case, telling everyone the complete opposite. For weeks, Greenwald assured his Twitter followers, and anyone paying attention, that Putin would never invade Ukraine so brazenly, and that any talks to the contrary were simple American saber rattling.

Despite his assurances, however, Russia did invade Ukraine last week. Already, dozens of civilians have been killed and hundreds more have been wounded. Russian forces have met stiff resistance from both Ukraine’s armed forces and its civilians.

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It’s been nearly a week of fighting off an invading force for the people of Ukraine. Yet, despite all that, Glenn Greenwald is just simply not convinced that Russia invaded Ukraine.

Appearing on Tucker Carlson’s Fox News white nationalist propaganda hour, Greenwald wondered aloud about whether what Putin has done so far “counts as an invasion.”

“Tucker, this is just kind of crazy to me. The liberal left of American politics is obsessed with this whole Ukraine situation, even though I’ve tried to tell everyone that Vlad personally assured me this is all no big deal. Still, despite all that, I suppose it’s their right to call things an invasion if they want to, I’m just not sure myself if I’ve seen anything that counts as an invasion.”

Greenwald opened a bottle of wine that was thirty years younger than he is, smacking his lips, rubbing his groin, and repeating the vintage year over and over again as he said he “loves it when young juices cross [his] lips.”

“Like, sure, Putin ordered his forces to move into Ukraine, a sovereign nation, and destroy its military, but is that an invasion? Technically it’s true that Putin’s army is now illegally occupying another country and attempting to take land by force, but someone on MSNBC or CNN has to tell me — is it technically an invasion just because one country invaded another?”

As Carlson threw to a commercial, Greenwald still was debating with himself about whether Putin’s invasion of Ukraine technically counts as Russia invading Ukraine.

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

James Schlarmann
James Schlarmannhttp://facebook.com/JamboSchlarmbo
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.
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