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Monday, January 30, 2023

Greene’s Vet Begs Her Not to Take COVID Vaccine for Heartworms

EQUINE HILLS, GEORGIA — Freshman Congresshorse Marjorie Taylor Greene (Q-GA) was forced to see her longtime doctor this weekend, after reporting symptoms of heartworms. Dr. Michael McDonald, who has been treating Greene since she was a young pony, diagnosed her almost immediately, but sources say that some unforeseen tension between the veterinarian and his longtime patient arose over the planned course of treatment.

“Dr. McDonald informed Congresshorse Greene that he was going to prescribe her the medication that he always gives his besaddled patients for heatworms — ivermectin,” one source close to the situation told us on the condition of anonymity, “and she about lost it on him. Called him an anti-Trumper cuck, and demanded the he give her a shot of a COVID vaccine instead.”

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McDonald apparently tried in vain to reason with Rep. Greene.

“You’ve heard the phrase ‘Stubborn as a mule,’ I’m assuming? Well, Dr. McDonald learned the hard way that phrase also applies to mares,” our source told us. “No matter how much be implored, outright begged Marjorie to take the ivermectin for her heartworms, she’d call him a Deep State Antifa operative, and flat-out refuse to take it. She ended up trotting out of his stables without taking the prescription from him.”

At a press conference later that day, Greene acknowledged that she was in the process of finding a vet that would give her a COVID vaccine instead of ivermectin.

“This is America is it not? Do I, an equine American, not have the same rights to choose what drugs I put in my body as anybody else,” Greene asked as she also lit up her blowtorch and began to smoke crack. “I want to take a COVID shot for my worms, a worm pill for my COVID, and a Chick-Fil-A sandwich for my birth control! IF I CAN’T DO THOSE THINGS, WE DO NOT LIVE IN AMERICA ANYMORE!”

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

James Schlarmann
James Schlarmannhttp://facebook.com/JamboSchlarmbo
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.
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