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Sunday, February 5, 2023

Greene: “It’s a Waste of Time to Investigate Why Antifa Dressed as MAGA and Stormed the Capitol”

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene (Q-MAGA) told reporters this morning on her way into work that she is still “extremely pleased” that Senate Republicans managed to block the formation of a congressional January 6th Commission. Despite the proposal passing the House with more than two dozen Republicans joining every Democrat, Republicans in the upper chamber, led by Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell (Q-KY) blocked the final vote under threat of filibuster.

Greene was one of the majority of House Republicans who voted against the commission, and she told reporters today that she thinks it’s a “waste of time” investigating what took place during a pro-Trump insurrection on the capitol back on January 6th.

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“I’m sorry, but as an independent small business owner and crackhead, I learned that sometimes you gotta go with your gut,” Greene said this morning, alternating between answering reporters’ questions and smoking crack, “and right now my gut tells me the so-called commission would just be a massive waste of time. Because we already know what happened.”

Rep. Greene then explained that “it’s obvious to real patriotic Americans” that it wasn’t a pro-Trump mob that attacked Congress that day. It was, Greene insisted, a “gang of thugs dressed up in MAGA gear” to fool the American people. In her estimation, the people who ransacked the capitol were “hired and paid by George Soros’ Antifa.”

“It’s a waste of time to investigate why Antifa dressed as MAGA and stormed the capitol. The why doesn’t matter, not as much as all accepting that alternative narrative as fact,” Greene said pointedly. “The commission would just be another way to drag the completely clean, untarnished, uncorrupted reputation of Dear President Donald Trump through the mud, and I’m not having any of that.”

Greene also insisted that the commission was a waste of time because she already performed an investigation of the events of that day herself.

“I already talked to all my friends in the Q movement, and they said they didn’t even come here that day,” Greene insisted. “They said they heard on 8kun that it was a false flag op run by Antifa, Inc. and funded by Soros himself. So case closed, libs. You can shut up about your precious commission now, because Detective Margo Taytay Greene just solved it for you. Next?”

Rep. Greene disappeared in a cloud of green crack smoke while her legions of trained monkeys flew away.

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

James Schlarmann
James Schlarmannhttp://facebook.com/JamboSchlarmbo
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.
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