WASHINGTON, D.C. — Freshman Congresshorse Marjorie Taylor Greene (Q-GA) told reporters today that she is “bigly frustrated and upset” at how people arrested for participating in former, one-term, twice forever impeached President Donald Trump’s failed insurrection are being treated by the U.S. government. During a press conference held while every other member of congress was attending various committee hearings, leaving her with all kinds of time on her hands, Greene suggested that the media and Democrats are “colluding to make a routine, armed tourist visit look much more worser” than it was.
“You know, I think the Hate America Communist Socialist Sharia Other Conservative Buzzword Democrats are working overtime to punish good, clean, ammo hoarding, melanin deficient Americans for using their Constitutional right to a violent, extremist tantrum,” Greene said. “It’s just so sad that they’re trying to much so much out of what was basically, in my mind, just a little locker room treason.”
Greene concedes that “if the MAGA faithful” who stormed the capitol on January 6th, 2021 had gotten what they they’d wanted, an American election would have been overturned. She also conceded that would mean millions of Biden voters would be disenfranchised. Greene denied, however, that the events of that day equate to “anything other than a freedom fest.”
“I’m sorry, but libtarded Demon-rats are going to have to accept something — when Republicans do it, it’s fine, if Democrats do the same thing,” Greene warned, “that’s illegal, un-American, unconstitutional, and Satanic. That means if a bunch of foamy-mouthed, red hat wearing violent extremists storm the capitol, that’s good! That’s right! It’s not like they’re black and kneeling during the anthem for goodness’ sake!”
Rep. Greene blasted Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi for “being extra mean and rude” to her “friends and compatriots.”
“These are people I do crossfit with. They’re people I go to church and klan rallies with,” Greene said, “and Dictator Nancy is probably happy about it. As if we live in a country where one act of domestic terrorism should cost you your freedoms. Y’all are a-scared of a little treason now?”
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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.