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Tuesday, January 31, 2023

Can You Guess Which Insurrection Inspiring Idiot Told Fox News He Still Believes He Won the Election?

This morning, someone who used to be president and is now no longer president insisted that he should, in fact, still be president. In an interview on Fox News, this guy told the country yet again that he had an election “stolen” from him. He went further and blamed the Supreme Court for not setting aside a fair and free election to placate his hurt feelings over having lost to a guy he kept calling “Sleepy,” but was clearly awake enough to clean his electoral clock.

Can you guess who that man is? Let’s give you some hints:

  1. He thought maybe we could inject bleach to stop covid-19.
  2. He knows better than anyone why his daughter is so hot.
  3. He lost the 2020 presidential election and more than 60 lawsuits claiming he actually won.
  4. He’s never won the popular vote in any election.
  5. He’s the only president ever impeached twice.
  6. He smells like Russian whore piss.
  7. He couldn’t even keep a casino profitable and it had his name on it.
  8. He has to pay women to fuck him and also not to talk about fucking him.
  9. He inspired a domestic terror attack on the U.S. capitol.
  10. He’s a fucking moron.

Got any guesses yet? Well, let’s give you just a couple more hints then!

  1. He’s a white collar criminal and tax cheat.
  2. His approval rating never even got to 50%
  3. He’s addicted to Adderall and golf.
  4. He’s the only American politician dumber than Sarah Palin.
  5. He’s had the most votes cast against him than other human being in history.
  6. His hairstyle isn’t fooling anyone.
  7. He feeds world class athletes buffets from McDonald’s.
  8. He’s a racist birther sack of shit.
  9. He’s banned from all major social media platforms and has to send out his moronic thoughts on fake presidential letterhead now.
  10. Have we mentioned he’s a fucking moron?

Well, at this point we’ve given you guys 20 hints. Do you have any ideas? We bet you do! But rather than tell you who it is, we figured we would just show you instead.

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

James Schlarmann
James Schlarmannhttp://facebook.com/JamboSchlarmbo
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.
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