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Tuesday, January 31, 2023

Hannity Accuses Biden of Never Paying a Porn Star to Lie About Sleeping With Him

On his radio show today, Fox News host Sean Hannity laced into President Joe Biden, calling him a “weak, wussy man,” and accusing him of not being “worthy to carry former President Trump’s syphilis medication.”

“For four years we had the best president this country has ever known. A man. A true blue, red meat eating, porn star paying off man,” Hannity howled. “Now? Well, now the liberal mainstream press has helped install a soyboybetacuck who’s such a lamewad, he’s not worthy to carry President Trump’s syphilis medication. He’s probably never even paid a single porn star to lie about sleeping with him!”

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Hannity then said he hopes that “when, not if” Republicans reclaim the House and Senate in 2022, they are “willing to make Joe answer the tough questions” and even impeaches Biden if he doesn’t cooperate with an investigation into whether or not he ever paid a porn star not to lie about having sex with him.

“We need to know how far up this thing goes. Does it tie back to Benghazi? George Soros? The Clintons’ CONFIRMED kill list? We just don’t know yet,” Hannity told his listeners. “So that’s why it’s so vital that we take back OUR house, OUR senate, and not stop until we understand the full and complete picture. A president who won’t pay hush money to a sex worker isn’t the kind of man I want leading this country, and I dare say my fellow Christian American patriots agree with me!”

Hannity teased that tonight’s Fox News broadcast of his show will have several guests who will prove that Biden never paid off a woman so she wouldn’t talk about how embarrassingly sad and hilariously bad he is at sex.

“The simple fact, my friends, is that Joe isn’t even worth the kind of money it would take to pay women off like that,” Hannity shouted. “It’s a sign of true genius, power, and falling out of a racist rich woman’s twat after she get impregnated by a racist rich man that our former president did this so frequently. It’s true, and anyone who denies it is clearly working for Antifa and George Soros!”

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

James Schlarmann
James Schlarmannhttp://facebook.com/JamboSchlarmbo
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.
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