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Monday, June 5, 2023

Hawley, Cruz, and Paul Leave GOP and Start the “Lost Cause Party”

WASHINGTON, D.C. — In the mid-19th century, the United States of America splintered, and spent four bloody years fighting each other during the Civil War. At its core, the central conflict of the war was the continuance of the African slave trade, and several states broke off from the Union, forming the Confederacy, and declared their intentions to keep practicing slavery. In an infamous speech, the vice president of the Confederacy named slavery as the “cornerstone” his rebellious consortium of states.

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However, over the course of time, there have been attempts made to whitewash — for a lack of a more fitting term — what caused that great conflagration between the states, and as such the myth of the Lost Cause has managed to stay alive, more than 150 years after the end of the Civil War.

Wikipedia’s definition of the Lost Cause, below:

The Lost Cause of the Confederacy, or simply the Lost Cause, is an American pseudo-historical,[1] negationist ideology that advocates the belief that the cause of the Confederate States during the American Civil War was a just and heroic one. This ideology has furthered the belief that slavery was just and moral, because the enslaved were happy, even grateful, and it also brought economic prosperity. The notion was used to perpetuate racism and racist power structures during the Jim Crow era in the American South.[2] It emphasizes the supposed chivalric virtues of the antebellum South. It thus views the war as a struggle primarily waged to save the Southern way of life[3] and to protect “states’ rights“, especially the right to secede from the Union. It casts that attempt as faced with “overwhelming Northern aggression“. At the same time, it minimizes or completely denies the central role of slavery and white supremacy in the build-up to, and outbreak of, the war.[2]

While it’s unclear at this time if they were fully-aware of the connotations around the phrase, three Senators announced today that they were leaving the Republican Party to form their own called the “Lost Cause Party.” Senators Rand Paul, Josh Hawley, and Ted Cruz held a joint press conference, maskless, today and announced their decision. Citing the GOP’s “lack of interest in publicly shining the former president’s dong,” Hawley, Cruz, and Paul said they were ready to strike out on their own, without the help of a national party apparatus.

“Yes, the Trump re-election ended up being a lost cause, but aren’t Americans entitled to continue committed to a cause, even if it’s lost,” Cruz asked rhetorically. “Some in this country want us to believe that just because we have no proof of our claims, and that our claims cause people to die, that we should somehow be held responsible for our claims getting people killed. As if freedom and accountability should ever be mixed. What a dangerous idea.”


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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

James Schlarmann
James Schlarmannhttp://facebook.com/JamboSchlarmbo
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.
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