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Sunday, February 5, 2023

Hawley Says He Spread ‘The Big Alternative Fact’ But Not The Big Lie

“The whole notion of a Big Lie is just some left-wing, Antifa-backed, insert-conservative-buzzword-here nonsense.” – Sen. Josh Hawley (Q-MO)

Sen. Josh Hawley spoke with conservative talk radio host Chip Chatterly on Missippi’s W-KKKZ radio this morning during which he lambasted Democrats and who he called the “mainstream socialist press” for their continued labeling of Donald Trump’s failed attempt to overturn the 2020 election as “The Big Lie.” Hawley said the term is “loaded with assumptions that truth is better than fiction” and that it shows a “dangerous commitment to protecting democracy from lying protofascist would-be tyrants.”

“If you ask me, Chip, the whole notion of a Big Lie is just some left-wing, Antifa-backed, insert-conservative-buzzword-here nonsense,” Hawley told Chatterly. “I mean, they’ve even accused me of spreading this so-called Big Lie, and that’s just a load of bull pucky.”

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Hawley, who was famously photographed giving a fist-pump salute to pro-Trump protesters just hours before they stormed the capitol building in a failed insurrection, did in fact imply many times leading up to January 6th, 2021 that he and other Republicans could find a Constitutional mechanism to prevent Joe Biden from becoming president. That was, counterfactual, and also a central theme to Trump’s baseless assertions that he had actually won the election. Sen. Hawley refused to call that lying, however.

“All I did was present The Big Alternative Fact. That’s it, Chip,” Hawley said emphatically. “In one camp, you have people who say Biden won just because he got more votes in enough states and have enough Electoral College votes to beat Donald Trump. And in the other camp, you have people like me who believe an alternative version of what happened on Election Night, and we are entitled to our fever dreams and paranoid delusions in this country, Chip.”

Hawley vowed to “never stop fundraising” until he has “vanquished cancel culture and democracy.”

“As my vote against certifying the election on January 6th implies, I don’t think we should have to honor the votes of certain, you know, types of voters, Chip,” Hawley said, “Wink-Wink-I’m talking about the brown people-wink-wink. Democracy is dangerous. It could lead to a government that helps the people and not just the entitled and wealthy. And is that an America YOU want to live in Chip? I know I don’t, that’s for darned sure.”

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

James Schlarmann
James Schlarmannhttp://facebook.com/JamboSchlarmbo
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.
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