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Monday, June 5, 2023

Hawley Asks Wray to Blink Twice If The FBI Has Proof He’s a Traitor

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Today, FBI director Chris Wray testified about the January 6th, 2021 domestic terror attack on the U.S. capitol building. In one memorable exchange, Senator Josh Hawley (Q-MO), questioned Wray and seemed to care more about the kind of information the FBI obtained on lawmakers’ devices than the efforts made to find and arrest the terrorists who carried out the attack.

“Director Wray, I understand you cannot comment on ongoing investigations. However, that being said,” Hawley tried, “would you be willing to whisper in my ear, after the hearing, what kinds of information you could maybe, perchance, possibly have obtained on, let’s just say completely for the sake of hypotheticals here…Senator Josh Hawley of Missouri?”

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Wray indicated that he would not, in fact, feel comfortable doing that. So Hawley shifted gears.

“I’ll remind you that if you’re a cop you have to tell me if you’re a cop. Are you a cop? What if you didn’t actually have to say anything out loud, Director Wray? Are you open to trying something like that,” Hawley asked.

Director Wray was confused.

“I’m confused, Senator. Are you asking me to give you details of an ongoing investigation without speaking words,” Wray asked. “Because I – ”

Hawley cut him off.

“Please, Director Wray, I only have so much time here, and I have an eloquent rant I’d like to make for the cameras so that Fox News plays it tonight, so let’s jus cut to the chase,” Hawley said. “What if I asked you to blink twice if you have evidence that I’m a traitor? Would that…would that be something you are amenable to, Director Wray?”

Once more, Director Wray rebuffed Hawley’s attempts to glean information from him.

“Very nice try, Senator Benedict — excuse me, Hawley,” Wray said jokingly. “Very clever, but I am afraid I must again decline your offer to break the law and give you information about an ongoing investigation.”

Hawley angrilly huffed, puffed, and sat back in his chair with his arms crossed for the remainder of the hearing.

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

James Schlarmann
James Schlarmannhttp://facebook.com/JamboSchlarmbo
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.
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