64.2 F
Los Angeles
Wednesday, December 8, 2021

4 Highlights of Kevin McCarthy’s 8+ Hour Speech Against “Build Back Better”

Last night, House Minority Leader Kevin McCarthy (Q-CA) mustered all the strength he had, and used every tool at his disposal to protest Democrats passing President Joe Biden’s “Build Back Better” social and environmental spending package.

McCarthy held the House floor for over eight hours, speaking non-stop, trying to stall the inevitable. Ultimately, Democrats used their razor-thin margin of majority and passed the bill. It now heads to the Senate where alleged Democrats Joe Mansion and Kyrsten Sinenema could still spell certain doom for it. For his valiant efforts, McCarthy was still handed a stinging defeat.

BILL MAHER TO REPLACE MONOLOGUE WITH SHOUTING AT ‘WOKE KIDS’ TO GET OFF HIS LAWN

But McCarthy’s grandstanding was not a complete washout. As it turns out, there were four key moments, highlights, from Kevin’s non-stop verbal display. Here, now, are those highlights.

  1. McCarthy Proved He Knows All The Lyrics to “W.A.P.”
    Despite conservative America having an absolute fit over it, clearly McCarthy thought Nicki Minaj’s single “W.A.P.” was a real banger, because about four hours in, he rapped the entire song while Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene beatboxed. It was quite a scene.
  2. Kevin Revealed the Formula for McDonald’s Big Mac Sauce
    Maybe it’ll land him in some hot water with McDonald’s corporate, but at one point during his speech, Kevin started rattling off the ingredients in their Big Mac sauce. McCarthy later revealed that former President Don Trump told him the recipe after it was given to Trump by McDonald’s for being such a loyal customer throughout his presidency.
  3. McCarthy Showed Off His Knowledge of Human Anatomy
    Apparently spending so much time in close proximity to Trump has made McCarthy quite the expert on the human body. He described, in what some might call “painfully precise terms,” what the former president’s b-hole, p-hole, and taint smell and taste like. Not sure why, but glad he did. For posterity.
  4. Kevin Read the Entire “Blazing Saddles” Script Into the Record
    He really seemed to punch certain words that start with “N” for some reason though. Kevin super-duper liked saying those lines, though he never explained exactly why.

TRUMP PROMISES WINDMILL CANCER VACCINE IF HE GETS SECOND TERM, BUT WILL NOT MANDATE IT

Become a Patron!

Follow James on Instagram.
Subscribe to James’ Patreon for ad-free satire.


 

Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

- Advertisement -spot_imgspot_img
James Schlarmannhttp://facebook.com/JamboSchlarmbo
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.
Latest news
- Advertisement -spot_img
Related news
- Advertisement -spot_img

LEAVE A REPLY

Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.