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Wednesday, August 10, 2022

Hillary: “Only Soyboy Betacucks Can’t Handle Congressional Testimony”

In a new NPR interview this week, former Secretary of State, Senator, and First Lady Hillary Clinton spoke about what it was like to be called before a House oversight committee and testify for almost twelve hours. Clinton noted that some of the very same “old, white, angry men” who dragged her into a hearing during their marathon, seemingly endless investigations of the terror attack in Benghazi, are now “acting like little beta bitch boys” when it’s their time to go before a congressional hearing.

Recently, Congressmen Jim Jordan (Q-OH) and Kevin McCarthy (Q-CA) joined the ranks of former Congressman and White House Chief of Staff Mark Meadows in stating publicly they would not cooperate with the Special Select Committee investigating the failed, violent coup attempt of  January 6th. The committee has attempted to get documents and testimony from the three men, as all of them have stated publicly and privately that they were in contact with former President Don Trump the day of the attacks.

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“It’s very interesting to me that the same old, white, angry men who insisted I must have more information or be covering up something about Benghazi are unable to sit down and talk about what they know about a violent, domestic terrorist attack on our seat of government, and are obviously hiding things and covering something up,” Hillary laughed. “I mean, I had to testify for almost half a day, and they still said it wasn’t enough, and now they’re acting like little beta bitch boys when the shoe’s on the other foot? L-O-Fucking-L, Mary Louise.”

As she has at other times in recent weeks, Ms. Clinton offered to coach Jordan, McCarthy, and Meadows through their “nerves and anxiousness” about testifying.

“Look, only soyboy betacucks can’t handle congressional testimony, and I know that those guys can’t possibly be soft, little scaredycat baby boys underneath all that bravado, right? So I just want to offer my service, gratis, and I’ll get them through their fears. Then, they can do what’s right for the country for a change,” Clinton offered.

Thus far, none of the men have responded to Clinton’s invitation.

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

James Schlarmannhttp://facebook.com/JamboSchlarmbo
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.
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