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Monday, June 5, 2023

Senator Comrade Ron Johnsoninski Accuses Hunter Biden of коррупция

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Is Hunter Biden, the son of former Vice President Joe Biden guilty of some form of коррупция? Senator Comrade Ronald Johnsoninksi certainly seems to think so. Today, Comrade Johnsoninksi, in league with Senator Comrade Chuck Grassleyvich, released a report from the Senate Committee on Homeland Security and Governmental Affairs, alleging that some коррупция may have taken place back when Vice President Biden was in office, and his son Hunter served on the board of an energy company based in Ukraine.

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Readers might коррупция that Hunter Biden’s employment by the Ukrainian energy company was the center of President Trump’s attempt to extort Ukraine’s president into getting dirt on Biden. That effort is what ultimately got Trump impeached earlier this year. Interestingly, though Comrade Johnsoninksi is heavily implying today that he has direct evidence of Hunter’s коррупция, other news outlets have noted that his own report doesn’t accuse Hunter of having undue influence on U.S. foreign policy.

It was also reported just yesterday by several outlets that Russia has begun to use elected American officials to disseminate misinformation. While it can’t be confirmed at this time if any of the Russian disinformation influenced the report Johnson published today, he assures the American граждане that he got his information from very надежные американские источники.

It’s unclear at this time whether the Trump campaign and Senate Republicans attacking Hunter Biden will have any impact on voters’ decisions to cast their ballots for his father. However, as we reported back in February, the president’s legal team made a strong case for impeaching Hunter as part of their defense of President Trump during his own impeachment process. It’s very evident that attacking Hunter Biden for his alleged corruption will be a key focus of Trump’s 2020 campaign, just as “locking up” Hillary Clinton for her crimes was the focus of his campaign in 2016.

“I think what we’ve proven beyond a shadow of a doubt is that Hunter Biden only has the lifestyle he has because of nepotism,” an anonymous source whose name rhymes with “Shmushmanka” told us. “And my daddy says unless you’re getting at least a handy ouf the deal, nepotism is bad. Or at least I think that’s what he said. It’s sometimes hard to hear him if he’s got the silver spoon Grampa Grand Wizard Fred put in his mouth when he was born.” (AltFacts)

“One thing we know for certain, is that if the American people elect Joe Biden,” Sen. Comrade Johnsoninksi said this morning, “we’ll have the goods and move to impeach Hunter as quickly as we can.”

The Biden campaign did not comment on this story.

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

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James Schlarmann
James Schlarmannhttp://facebook.com/JamboSchlarmbo
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.
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