COLD CAVE HILLS, TENNESSEE — Right-wing podcaster and social media influencer Jethro Bohiggins isn’t just a fan and supporter of President Donald J. Trump, a man who Bohiggins thinks of as “the best American president since Jefferson Davis.” Jethro is also an unabashed “super fan” of another right-wing provocateur, Alex Jones. A video of a deposition conducted by the attorneys for Sandy Hook parents suing Jones over his broadcasts on the horrific school shooting that left 20 first graders dead back in 2012 was released to the public last week, and Bohiggins says he not only is a bigger fan of Jones’ now, he believes he has uncovered a conspiracy surrounding the deposition.
“Fam, I’m here to tell you right here, right now, that is not Alexander Q. Jones III, Esq. in that video,” Jethro told his own audience today. “As sure as I am that Killary Clit-stoned is personally responsible for the death of Vince Foster and the cover-up of a stand down order during the Benghazi attacks of this fact, and I believe it’s a conspiracy that goes all the way to the top!”
Jones is being sued by several families of the children who died in December of 2012 when Adam Lanza brought his mother’s AR-15 and other firearms to Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newtown, Connecticut and opened fire. When the chaos ended, twenty first graders and a handful of staff and faculty were dead, as was Lanza. Mr. Jones spent several weeks after the shooting peddling and propping up a conspiracy theory that said not only did the shootings not take place, none of the children died, and everyone involved was acting.
Jethro says the “irony is that’s exactly what’s happening right in front of our very own eyeball holes” with Jones’ deposition.
“He’s not him! I’m telling you, right here, right now. Mark my words, fam,” Jethro said, “the man in the Alex Jones deposition is not Alex Jones! It’s very clearly a human-cyborg hybrid who was cloned in the same FEMA camps that Barack HUSSEIN Obama developed his chemtrail formulas which turn all our frogs super-duper gay for each other! You know what I’m saying feels and sounds like something you want to believe! So believe it, y’all!”
During his deposition, Jones blamed the fact that he said he didn’t believe the shooting took place on “psychosis.” Jethro calls that “pure and total libtarded stupidity.” He explains that Jones would never use a word like “psychosis.”
“That’s the kind of talk that elitist, globalist, betacuck soyboys who believe in gender studies, or psychology, or basic biology, folks,” Bohiggins insisted. “Trust me, that actor playing Jones gave us a big tell right there. Ain’t no way Alex is ever usin’ a word with that many syllables on purpose!”
Jethro believes fully that Jones himself hired the crisis actor to play Jones. What he’s not sure of, however, is exactly why. He does have some theories though.
“Maybe this is a long game. I’m thinking Q got through to Alex and told him to do this, so that they could set up Obama and Hillary for a massive fall,” Jethro guessed. “Or not. What the hell do I know? Wait. I’ll cut that part out later, fam.”
Bohiggins admits there could be some holes or flaws in his theories that he hasn’t quite figured out yet.
“The real question of course is how long this faux Alex was in place. Was it the fake Alex who was saying all those things about Sandy Hook in the first place? We may never know,” Jethro declared. “But I know one thing as sure as I know that climate change is a big Chinese-invented hoax — Alex Jones isn’t in that deposition. A guy who looks and sounds like him, and says the things Alex Jones says a lot was in that room, but it wasn’t Jones. I’m sure of it. Never been more sure of anything since the WMDs in Iraq or tax cuts for the wealthy trickle down thing.”
Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook and Instagram, but not Twitter because he has a potty mouth.