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Thursday, August 18, 2022

Ingraham on D.C. Police Testimony: “From Now On, I Only Back the Blue When They Kill the Blacks”

Last night, Fox News host and aging fascist Laura Ingraham lashed out at the four members of the capitol police who gave their testimony to the January 6th special select congressional committee yesterday. This morning, during a radio interview with WKKK’s Chip Chatterly, Ingraham doubled-down on her remarks, calling the police “traitors to the MAGA faithful who pretended to be pro-cop for so long.”

“I think it’s absolutely disgusting that they kept using words like ‘terrorist’ to describe the barely angry, totally peaceful protesters who smashed the windows, broke down doorways, and smeared their literal feces on the walls,” Ingraham howled, “just because, technically, what they did was an act of domestic terrorism according to dictionaries and the U.S. civil code.”

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Ingraham said she and “every other unwashed, unvaccinated, mouth-breathing MAGA” should be feel “utterly and completely betrayed” by the officers’ testimony.

“I’m starting to feel really dumb for all the Blue Lives Matter events I attended and gave money to. I’m feeling betrayed,” Ingraham said. “The left is screaming about defunding police, while we on the right have been telling everyone that cops shit literal ice cream, and this is how you repay us?”

An angry Ingraham barely slowed down to take a breath.

“Chip, I tell you what, I think from now on, I only back the blue when they kill the blacks,” Ingraham announced. “At least that’s something I can support philosophically and morally. But I do not and will no longer back them in any other situation. Because apparently, cops can just turn on you after you commit even your first act of domestic terrorism.”

Ingraham has long been one of the loudest defenders of law enforcement officers who are involved in shooting incidents, particularly when the suspects are people of color. Ingraham famously attacked Trayvon Martin for weeks on her show during the trial of his killer, George Zimmerman. She also has defended the police officers who killed Eric Garland, Tamir Rice, and Michael Brown.

“I have no problem continuing to back the blue that slay the brown. That’s just good, common sense conservative white supremacy, Chip,” Ingraham said, “but I’m done doing police charity balls and such. Not until I feel confident that they’ll help us do a coup next time, instead of trying to stop it like the communist sympathizing cucks they clearly are.”

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

James Schlarmannhttp://facebook.com/JamboSchlarmbo
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.
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