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Saturday, January 28, 2023

Ivanka: “I Know for a Fact Daddy Could Pull-Out Better”

LAKE DAUGHTERLUST, FLORIDA — All across pro-MAGA media, President Joe Biden is getting hammered for how the military has handled the planned withdrawal of its forces from Afghanistan.

In just a few short days, Taliban fighters have recaptured massive swaths of the country American forces spent the better part of two decades occupying. Though public support for the war effort there has been quite low for many years, and many experts had predicted over a decade ago that a similar scenario would very likely play out the instant U.S. troops left Afghanistan, far-right pundits and politicians have lambasted Biden for the chaos, violence, and tragedy that has been recorded and broadcast worldwide.

TRUMP BLAMES TALIBAN RETAKING AFGHANISTAN ON BIDEN NOT SUCKING UP TO THEM

Today, the former First Lady of the United States joined the fray, and attacked Biden while also complimenting her lover and implying he would do a far better job orchestrating the end of America’s longest-running and most expensive military endeavor, ever.

“Well, like, President Daddy would nail this part, I just know it. I know it deep inside me,” Ivanka Trump said while doing an interview on NewsMaxTV, “Well, okay, as deeply as a couple of inches could get inside me. The point is, I know for a fact Daddy could pull-out better. When it comes to pulling out, I’ve never personally witnessed anyone do it better, and more cleanly than President Daddy pulls-out!”

The former, one-term, twice permanently impeached president issued his own statement following his First Lady’s appearance, praising her for her “intellect, insight, and super sweet dumper.”

“I mean, have you ever seen a finer turd cutter, and I mean on any bitch you meet,” Trump asked rhetorically. “She’s of course right about how well I pull out, but I can’t get over how fuckin’ sweet her dumper is, fam! CHECK OUT MY DAUGHTER’S SUPER-FINE ASS, Y’ALL!”

CRUZ: “DONALD TRUMP UNDERSTOOD THAT THE CONSTITUTION IS FOR CUCKS”

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

James Schlarmann
James Schlarmannhttp://facebook.com/JamboSchlarmbo
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.
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