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Sunday, March 26, 2023

Ivanka Says Media Wouldn’t Ask Other President’s Daughter/Lover/Official White House Aide About His Sexual Misconduct

WASHINGTON, D.C. — An offended Ivanka Trump recently told an NBC reporter that she thought it was “inappropriate” of him to ask her about accusations of sexual misconduct against her father, President Donald Trump. Speaking to NBC’s Peter Alexander, Ivanka said that she believes there is “no truth” to the more than 20 accusations against the president that range from sexual harassment to assault to rape.

When she arrived back in the nation’s capital from South Korea, Ms. Trump was stopped by reporters who asked her for some clarification.

“All I am saying is that the media never would have treated another president’s daughter, lover, or White House official about such things,” Ivanka said.

Reporters, confused, asked which of those things Ivanka is.

“Yes,” Ivanka answered.

Another moment of confusion as reporters looked to one another. Undaunted, they proceeded to ask Ms. Trump for even more clarification. Ivanka sighed heavily.

“Wait, Ms. Trump, are you saying you’re his daughter,” one reporter asked, “or his official White House adviser?”

“Yes,” Ivanka said again.

“So that means you’re his aide and not his daughter or lover,” yet another reporter asked.

A Statement On Cowardice From President Donald Trump’s Bone Spurs

“Yes,” Ivanka said. “But also no, and maybe, and kinda, know what I mean?”

Things just kept getting weirder and more nonsensical. The reporters were trying their best to pin down Ivanka on just what, exactly, her role is so that they know the appropriate questions to ask and when. No one seemed to get anywhere, though.

“Okay, so you’re an official White House staffer, his daughter, or his lover,” a reporter asked, choking back vomit with the last part of her question.

“Exactly,” Ivanka said, to audible groans among the press pool. “You’ve got it completely right.”

“But, with respect,” another reporter chimed in, “if we don’t ever really know what role you’re acting in, that means you could just duck, dodge, and avoid any question you don’t want to answer by trading out one of your hats for another.”

“Yup,” Ivanka said. “Precisely. You got it now, 100%.”

Satire can also be found on The Pastiche Post and The Political Garbage Chute.

More Satire:

Model and Adult Film Star Drops Bombshell: ‘I Have Never, Would Never, And Will Never Fuck Donald Trump’

James Schlarmann
James Schlarmannhttp://facebook.com/JamboSchlarmbo
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.
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