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Thursday, June 1, 2023

Ivanka Starting to Regret Sleeping Her Way to Top of Trump Organization

Recently, former First Lady Ivanka Trump sat down for an interview with Vapid Heiress Monthly. During the back and forth, Ivanka gave her assorted thoughts — or at least what her brain is capable of creating that she calls “thoughts” — on a host of subjects.

One topic that came up during the interview was the spate of legal troubles her father’s business — The Trump Organization — has faced in New York, since he left the White House in January of 2021.

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While NY Attorney General Letitia James’ investigation into her father’s business practices has continued to issue subpoenas to herself, her brothers, and even her father, Ivanka has stayed largely quiet. However, when asked by Vapid Heiress Monthly about the situation, she seemed to indicate she feels some regret about ever agreeing to work in her father’s company.

“I’ll always love my Daddy, at least as long as I’m contractually obligated to do so. But I’ve always tried to be a little less crime-ish than my brothers — Needle Dick and Needle Dumb — and I was really hoping when I accepted President Daddy’s employment offer that they wouldn’t get involved in anything that came back to haunt me,” Ivanka said.

“If I had to do it all over again, though, I’m not sure. I’m just not sure. I could have slept my way to the top of any alt-right militia or ammo supply company I wanted, but I wanted to show loyalty to the man who always fingered me for the right job in the past. I certainly have regrets, but I’m sure that over time my father will prevail and everyone will see how ridiculous it is to start holding Daddy accountable now, so late in his life.”

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

James Schlarmann
James Schlarmannhttp://facebook.com/JamboSchlarmbo
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.
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