WASHINGTON, D.C. — The 2020 presidential election is just over 50 days away, and that means the debates between the two major party candidates will begin soon, as well. The first debate between President Donald Trump and former Vice President Joe Biden will take place on September 29th, and there are two more debates in October currently on the schedule. Today, however, Mr. Trump indicated that he would be open to a fourth debate, provided the moderator be the one he chooses — namely, podcaster and avowed moron, Joe Rogan.
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In a tweet this morning, President Trump strongly indicated that he’d like to debate Biden with Rogan as moderator, with no live audience and a four hour time limit allotted for the debate. While Biden’s campaign has not responded to the proposition, Team Trump has gone all-in on it. President Trump wasn’t the only one to indicate he wanted to participate in the Rogan-moderated debate, several of his surrogates — including his son Don Jr, jumped on the bandwagon as well.
I do! https://t.co/H9Eghnqpuy
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) September 14, 2020
While the country awaits word on whether or not the Biden campaign will agree to a debate moderated by Rogan, President Trump continued to push for it this afternoon as he paced around the White House lawn and, in his words, took the chance to “fart out lunch.”
“Had a handful of Big Macs for lunch today, and they always make me quite gassy,” Trump explained as a long, slow, steady stream of farts was heard coming from his direction. “Anyway, I find it kind of interesting that Sleepy Toe-Teepy Biden hasn’t decided to get in on this Joe Rogan debate. What is he so afraid of? Is he biased against morons?”
Rapid-fire farting was heard now.
“My people are the poorly educated. So don’t my supporters have a right to see a debate moderated by a fellow moron,” Trump asked rhetorically. “Don’t they have a right to see someone ask the kinds of questions my morons would want to ask? Shouldn’t we have a debate where every five minutes Joe interrupts us to talk about some DMT trip he was on and play a viral video?”
The farting was near-constant now, and the smell was starting to permeate the open air outside the White House.
“Morons are Americans too, Joe, okay? And as an idiot, I find it quite insulting that morons, fuckwits, shit-for-brains, and dummies were left out of debate hosting duties,” Trump said. “It’s only fitting that a moron get to participate as the moderator and ask the questions we all know need to be asked!”
Trump ambled off back toward the White House, farts echoing across the lawn as he did.
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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.