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Saturday, September 30, 2023

Judge: Trump Must Give Congress All His McDonald’s Receipts From January 6th, 2021

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Former President Don Trump just keeps getting bad news from the courts this week. First, a federal judge, who he helped get appointed, told Trump’s legal team they were “wrong on the law” and ordered him to turn his taxes over to Congress.

Then, today another federal judge slapped him with another stinging defeat.

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In a new order, Trump has been directed to hand Congress any and all McDonald’s receipts from the day of his failed coup. On January 6th, pro-Trump forces in the administration helped inspire a violent insurrection and attack on the capitol, attempting to forestall the inevitable and keep Trump in power. It has long been suspected that Trump wanted this violence to occur, and a PowerPoint presentation given to Congress by former Chief of Staff Mark Meadows indicates the former president was indeed quite aware of the unconstitutional attempts to subvert democracy that day.

It was also widely speculated that on January 6th, Trump ate even more McDonald’s than would be his usual. Throughout his single, scandal and incompetency plagued term, Trump was known to eat a breakfast, two lunches, three dinners, and a milkshake nightcap, all from the Golden Arches, at least four times per week. The day of his failed coup attempt, some sources have said he spent upwards of a million dollars, having Big Macs and Chicken McNuggets blended into a fine powder that he would then snort, or even inject directly into his veins like a COVID-19 bleach shot.

“The claim of executive privilege over documents generated on his way out the door does not hold any water,” Judge Barry Micochaner wrote in a scathing opinion. “While I am not exactly sure what Congress needs to see the McDonald’s receipts for, the simple fact is that if those burgers, fries, and chicky nuggs played any part in anti-democratic, treasonous acts, then Congress does indeed have a duty to investigate them.”

Trump has 30 days to produce the receipts for Congress, or he could be held in contempt, according to Judge Micochaner’s order.

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

James Schlarmann
James Schlarmannhttp://facebook.com/JamboSchlarmbo
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.
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