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Thursday, June 1, 2023

KKK ‘Outraged, Devastated, and Hurt’ Trump Gives Proud Boys All The Attention

COUSIN DOINK BAY, MISSISSIPPI — The first presidential debate between former Vice President Joe Biden and President Donald Trump was an abject mess, there can be no doubt.

Biden apparently didn’t get briefed on the fact that he was supposed to show the utmost respect and reverence to Dear President, and instead insisted on talking un-interrupted. Regardless of how chaotic the debate ended up being, however, there was one moment that seemed to garner more attention from the lamestream, jerk-face, enemy of the people press.

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It came during the discussion of race and violence in American cities during this summer. King God Emperor Trump was asked to denounce white supremacy, as if non-presidential people have any right to ask him anything anyway. When Trump told the Proud Boys to “stand back” and “stand by” instead of “stand down,” it caused quite the buzz from commentators. But it wasn’t just the soybetacuckeriat of America who weren’t thrilled about the president talking about the Proud Boys; the KKK was hoping to get name-checked as well.

“Let’s just say that we’re a little miffed, and feel like the racist girl who got taken to a dance and was ditched for another, also racist girl,” KKK spokesracist Clem O’Connell told local news affiliate WFRT today. “There weren’t even no Proud Boys to talk about back when Trump was running for president. And now all of a sudden he’s cozier with them than he is with us! That don’t seem right. We’re outraged, devastated, and hurt that he’s giving them all the attention and leaving us out in the cold.”

O’Connell says that he and his fellow klansmen are “open to sharing the hateful spotlight” with the Proud Boys, but he expects the new group to “show some respect to the bigots who came before them.”

“We been out on the front lines of white nationalist domestic terror for a lot longer ‘an they have,” Clem said, tobacco juice dripping down his chin. “So all we sayin is that it would be real nice-like of them to show some respect to the bigots who came before them. Nobody builds a hate group all alone, and every new hate group stands on the ignorant, humped shoulders of the inbred racists that came before them.”

O’Connell said he’s reached out to several prominent Proud Boys, looking to “squash any bullshit” between the groups, and in effort to “maybe find some way to synergize our hate.”

“They want a white ethnostate,” Clem said, “and we want a white ethnostate. Our goals are the same. Hell, we did some preliminary research and found out that we even have a lot of the same members in common! So we’s thinkin’ maybe we could combine forces like those Voltron cartoons back in the day, and become one, big hate group, or at least two big hate groups working side-by-hateful-side.”

The Proud Boys have issued no official response to Clem’s outreach.

ALSO: Donald Trump Has Many Things In Common With Abraham Lincoln. Here Are Just Some Of Them.

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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.

James Schlarmann
James Schlarmannhttp://facebook.com/JamboSchlarmbo
Comedian, writer, semi-amateur burrito wrangler and platypus aficionado, James cannot and will not be pigeonholed by anyone's expectations. Unless you want to pay him money, in which case his principles are as malleable as his "children" are "in need of food." Winner of absolutely zero lifetime achievement awards. You should definitely not give a shit about his opinions. James' satire is also found on: Alternative Facts, Alternative Science, The Political Garbage Chute, The Pastiche Post, Satirical Facts Hire James to create (very likely) funny content.
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