WASHINGTON, D.C. — To put it bluntly, Senator Joe Manchin (R Pretending to Be D-WV) is pissed. Buzz on the Hill is that immediately after it became clear that Senate Republicans were going to filibuster the formation of the January 6th Commission — bipartisan effort crafted by both sides of the aisle in the House — Manchin stormed off of the Senate floor, muttering and cursing under his breath.
“I cannot believe this! You mean to tell me that all my stern warnings and tough talk without even an ultimatum to back them up did nothing to sway those fools,” Manchin could be heard by witnesses today, “That’s just so infuriating. It makes me so damn mad!”
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Manchin and fellow pretend-Democrat Kyrsten Sinema sent a joint statement just yesterday, begging Senate Republicans to allow the bipartisan commission to form. Despite on the day of the insurrection slamming the violence and condemning all who perpetrated it and incited it — former President Trump included — Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell (Q-Fuckfaceland) rallied his conference and filibustered the commission. Even armed with that knowledge, Manchin and Sinema have not supported the notion of ending the filibuster, or even modifying it, to allow passage of the bill to establish the commission.
“They’re so brazen! I can’t believe it! So brazen in their hypocrisy and cynical clinging to power,” Manchin said to no one and yet everyone. “How can they live with themselves? Everything they accuse Democrats of doing, they do! Son of a bitch they really get my blood pressure up!”
All told, six Republicans joined every Democrat to vote for the formation of the commission. The Constitution does not require a 60 votes for a measure to pass, however in the modern age of politics, it essentially has. The threat of a filibuster by the minority party has stalled the majority of votes on key bills passed by the House since the Obama administration.
“I swear to all that is holy, they need to be taught a lesson! They need to be held accountable! They need to be shown, those Republican jerks,” Manchin yelled, “that they can’t do this. They can’t stop the American people from knowing the truth about the people who tried to nullify their vote and overthrow their government!”
As Manchin passed a trash can in a hallway leading back to his office, he knocked it over with a solid kick, sources say. He quickly apologized to his staff and picked the trash up after he righted the can. Sen. Manchin’s ire, though, had not quieted down.
Or at least that’s what he really, really wanted to do when he passed the trash can. Instead he just looked it quietly, balefully, and shook his head at it.
“I really do hope somebody does do something about this. I really do,” Manchin told his aides. “Because someone really should, know what I mean? I would think that someone really should do something about this.”
Manchin reportedly stood there for a moment, a blank expression on his face.
“Someone really…really should,” Manchin said finally before walking away.
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Writer/comedian James Schlarmann is the founder of The Political Garbage Chute and his work has been featured on The Huffington Post. You can follow James on Facebook, Spotify, and Instagram, but not Twitter because Twitter is a cesspool.